The First Year of Marriage - Two Becomes One?

I read a thread on Nairaland sharing on the first year of marriage and it surprised me how even though most people's marriages are different, in some cases, you see yourself in the midst of many. It was also interesting that a lot of unmarried peeps reading commented that it was a very useful topic for them because they didn't really know much about marriage or what to expect. Who really does?

This got me thinking, and one day I'll share a full post on my own first year. Suffice to say that I equally asked myself at least once, are you sure? The answer by the time the night was done always came back positive. 

Anyway, I was mostly nodding as I read, lots of familiarizing sex, some wow, some not so great. Some clashes of personality as iron tried to sharpen iron, some intensely beautiful moments that even words cannot describe, the long, lazy days, the days you miss your family so much, you cry. Then add to that being in a new place, trying to make new friends, find your feet, re-organize your goals and accept changes, physically, mentally and emotionally, it is a trying period for me, I tell you.

However, I'll not trade those memories for any thing. There's just this thing about marriage that either brings out the best or the worst in you, and when you go into it with the right mindset and the right person, it matures you like nothing else. Some of the responses on the NL thread included the following;

- "best time of my life, still feel a warm sensation when i remember, plenty plenty rocking, fun fun fun, discovering new parts of the house and every place we could have s3x."

- "Half on half. The first half was great and we were in honeymoon land and the other half was the most stressful time of our marriage;"

- "It was hell, the only good thing was my girls nd my head that came out of it. I also appreciate others wonderful experience nd i expect to have a blissfull one in my next marriage"

- "It was not much fun actually. Sure, we were in love, innocent and a bit overconfident... but we also argued a lot, doubted, were scared about that BIG commitment"

- "Unfortunately, mine wasn't rosy at first. Even after dating for a few years, marriage was still a different ball game."

- "I don't know why i felt the way i did, immediately i got married, for some reasons i felt i had made the wrong choice (maybe because i had few guys that wanted to marry me then too)"

- "Spent in bed.From the bedroom to the hospital bed,back to the bedroom with 2 boys to mother.

- "Wasn't fun at all. It actually hit me right in the face that I couldn't just get up and leave after an argument. I loved my space and then I realised that ooops, I will be sharing my space with someone else."

- "I dated my husband in a long distance relationship , although i saw him every month. My first year of marriage was not what I planned. But I learned patience and discovered how much I loved my husband and how I could go through anything for him."

- "Five Months in and going steady, no quarrels at all, both of us respects each other, i have grown to know her for 5 yrs before wedding and i know when she is about to get in a mood and how to handle it,"
Certainly, there were some differences from my experience, for instance, we put off starting a family immediately, and we're obviously still together. Still, it's not surprising that at least one of the respondents broke up in their first year, a lot of stats out there support that a lot of I do's don't go beyond the first six months. Especially when there is no good rapport between the couple or worse still, negative interference from the extended family.

But, enough of my jabbering. I'd like those who are in the institution to share.

Also, those in between single and married, that is, double without the wahala, do you think you have a fair idea of what the first year of your marriage will be like?

Those single, do you think you know yourself enough to know how you'll bear up under the most extreme frustrations? Or maybe it only seems so in the heat of the moment :)

Let's discuss...