Dear Myne - My Mother Destroyed my Last Relationship



I've actually learnt quite a lot from reading your blog and I can say its a fab piece of work. Pls keep up the good work. I'm a young doctor of 27 years currently undergoing NYSC in Lagos. Relationship wise, I could say I'm a late bloomer; 1st kiss at 18 years, 1st boyfriend at 19years.

I also happen to come from a typical Yoruba household where love isn't openly expressed and sex education isn't a topic. I happened to have had a rough childhood with my dad straying a lot and some cases of physical abuse on my mother, my dad I can say is kind of chauvinistic in all its definitions. Thus, I grew up with the mindset of not marrying a man like him.

When I was 22, I met this young man who literally swept me off my feet,though from my stand point as a mummy's girl he was supposed to be bad for me, but I loved him anyways. We had quite a good relationship and to me, I could settle down with him. His parents were well known to our family.

About a year into the relationship,my mum came to me that she had been to some spiritualists who said we weren't compatible, in essence it was said that "my getting married to him would shorten his lifespan".


I kicked against it and stood my ground that I wasn't calling it off,I spoke with a few friends and close relatives,eventually I called the relationship off after 3years. I was convinced then,that such a situation wouldn't come up again.

Last year, I met this splendid young man whom I refer to as "my dream come true". He was all I had ever wished for and prayed for in a spouse,he was beyond my expectations. We got along really good and in a short while, it was like we had known each other forever. Everyone who saw us together or knew about us called us a match made in heaven. He made me feel like, it was worth all the waiting.

However,he was7years older(my ex was 6years older) and he lived in South Africa. But truly we both weren't perturbed,all we focused on was that sometime soon we would be together forever.

We started building a relationship,by this time my mum was already telling everyone that cared to listen that she doesn't know what I'm upto regarding a husband,she even told a couple of people to match-make me.
Eventually, I told her about the young an and she was excited, she even said I should tell my daddy too. She went out again to those spiritualists and they came back with another horrid revelation, again I kicked against it. This time, I talked to an aunt of mine whom I knew consulted spiritualists and she came back with a good revelation, I made up my mind to stick with that.

My dad, however,raised concerns about the age difference and us been many miles apart,thus we won't have a proper courtship. I felt I could still convince him otherwise. All this while, I told the guy what my dad's fears were and we both agreed he needed reassurance. He promised to stand by me all through this.

My mum convinced my dad to remain adamant,I actually went through he'll but I stood my ground. Eventually, she went around and got to send a message to the guy through my cousin, she threatened him and was said to have said a lot of things,which she has refused to repeat to my hearing. At the end of it all,the guy called me up and said we should call it quits,as he wasn't ready to get entangled in my family issues.

He hasn't spoken with me or seen me in months,all my messages have gone unanswered. My life has really been miserable, because for once in my life time, I was so excited about settling down. I had no doubts in me, I wanted to be with him forever. My broken heart has refused to heal and rather than move on, I keep on loving him more. You can imagine him been in Nigeria and not wanting to see me. All my calls go directly to his voicemail. I miss him, need him and love him dearly.

I have also made up my mind,I'm not moving further. No more boyfriends or husband as the case maybe, I can't keep going through this pain and hurting wonderful young men whom the only sin they have committed is meeting and falling in love with me. I have decided to remain single and focus on my career as I believe this love thing isn't for me. But deep within me, I'm still in love with this young man, I'm praying and hoping we get back together.

My mum has been going around to pray for her daughter to find a husband,she's even trying to push her friend's son my way, but I'm not interested. She has put her imposing nature above my interests as far as I'm concerned, right now I only talk to her because its compulsory, we have no special relationship.

I would let you to share my story without my name, I really need unbiased views from people. Thank you.