Why Do We Always Blame "The Other Woman"?
I just read a post on 1+TheOne titled Leave Her Man Alone, and immediately commented to say, the man is at fault and should have the blame, if not 100% then 99%. Unless one can prove to me that a particular woman went out of her way to seduce a man, or keep him dating her long term, or that she forced him at gunpoint to neglect, abuse, and divorce his wife, then I stand by my opinion that the cheating man is at fault.
Men are not stupid, they know what they want, and in this chauvnistic world, it is disingenuous to argue that mistresses made them do what they did not want to do. Na Jazz? Sugabelly in her comments said some of what I had in mind, but there are other angles I wanted to expantiate on, and that's why I wrote this post.
1+TheOne made it sound like once a man has a female friend, or a mistress, his wife falls apart emotionally and otherwise. She said in her responses to Sugabelly that she'll be personally affronted and aggrieved, and I know a lot of women who will be too, but I don't think it's fair to pass that on to majority of other women. Some of us either think differently or have learnt to be stronger than that :)
If men cheat as much as we think they do, then most of our mother's generation experienced infidelity, and the other woman, but today, most of them are still standing tall. They are Captains of industry, CEOs of their homes, mothers of top-performing children, and pillars of the church. While some are separated or divorced, many are celebrating their 30 - 50 years marriage anniversary to the same man. The other woman went on to peacefully marry another man, or is the de facto second wife with her own gig and children. All of them are alive and healthy, and the heavens did not fall.
Yes, talking about heaven and hell is all well and good, but it is only at the point a woman faces her man, knowing he's cheating on her, it is only then that she decide on the way forward. Beating ourselves up now doesn't help any body. Hating on other women - real and imagined - who date married men won't help either.
So, what can a woman who has been cheated on do? In my opinion, Railing against the other woman may give you a target for venting, or a temporary reprieve, but it rarely heals your relationship, which is between you and your spouse, and in some cases it may even further damage it, depending on how close your partner is to the other woman, and how much he feels isolated from you. There are two ways forward, either find it in your heart to forgive him, or the strength to let him go.
For myself, if I find myself in this situation, I will have to accept that my husband has made a mistake, or he never did - or at that point does not - respect our relationship integrity. I know for a fact that in most cases of infidelity, the other woman has little to do with it, again unless there's jazz or a gun to the head scenario, which I think is very unlikely.
I know this is an emotive and controversial topic, but this is just my opinion. I will like to hear yours.