Dear Myne - Did I Frustrate and Drive Him Away?


I am in my late twenties and working and living in the US. Last year, a friend asked if she could give my number to a guy she knew living and working in the UK, he was actively looking for a wife to settle down with. We were to chat, get to know ourselves and see if we wanted to take it to the dating/courting level, and I agreed.

Though she briefed me about him, I found myself sleuthing and snooping around on the Internet to know more about him. I didn't hear from him for about two weeks after he had been given my number.  I decided to add him on Facebook - by this time I said if he didn't respond I'd write him off as not interested.

He did add me, introduced himself and apologized for delaying to connect out of work since our mutual friend had strongly recommended me. I accepted his apology and soon after, our mutual friend contacted me, saying he told her he was quite keen after seeing my profile and he was going ahead to court me (bla bla bla), and she asked me to please be kind to him as he was a very nice person.


However, he didn't contact me until 2 weeks after, we exchanged phone numbers and chatted for 30mins and found out we had other friends in common from high school. He suggested we catch up weekends due to time difference and the impact late calls might have on work, and I also suggested we catch up via Skype to cut costs.

I didn't hear from him for another 2 weeks. He never would say when he would call, I would just see a message much much later that he had tried to reach me. I would then apologise for my late reply...but I soon got tired of apologising and got annoyed that he chose to contact me on Skype when he knows fully well that I wasn't always online and we never agreed on a time to catch up.

I didn't say anything to him about this, but I felt he was rather nonchalant and had probably accepted contact with me to get our mutual friend off his back.

He would ring twice again after 2 weeks interlude; the first I deliberately ignored; I missed the second and his voicemail msg though politely said he would try again, I could tell he was getting frustrated. So I rang back the following weekend.

He took forever to pick my call and when he did, didn't seem to have my number registered. I was hurt but tried to act cool and we chatted for about 25mins. It was then he asked if we could meet up as he was flying to the US and was passing through my city. It was a short layover so I declined citing the inconvenience as an excuse and I offered to meet up when he was returning to which he said that was not his return route but he would think up something and let me know later as we really had to meet.

I didn't hear from him all the while he was in the US, over a month. By the new year, I had resolved to leave him in 2012 and get on with my life. Any ways he rings 2 weeks after, to say he just got back to the UK. He wanted us to really meet up and was quite willing to come down to the US again in a few months just for me, if I was happy with his idea.

To be honest Myne, at this point I was past caring and didn't think it was worth the effort. Besides although we had lively banter when we talked, we only talked rarely and I wasn't sure what we will be discussing if he flew all the way just to see me. So my reply was, let's see as things go. He sensed my reluctance and asked me to give it some thought.

2 weeks later he rang and I missed it again in typical fashion (not planned) he left his usual polite voicemail asking I ring back or he would and to be honest I felt guilty. But I couldn't bring myself to ring him back. Surprisingly he tried to reach me via Facebook during the week just to say hello, it was brief.

And on the weekend he sent me another Facebook message asking if I had given his idea some thought. I replied saying I didn't remember saying I was gonna think about it but I was willing to give his idea a trial run. He was online and replied saying the trial run seemed a good idea, we exchanged polite pleasantries and I haven't heard from him since then. It's been over a month!

Please tell me Myne, am I right in saying he is so not into me or did I frustrate and drive him away?