10 Ways to Make "The Other Woman" a Non-Issue
I realized that in my last post on the other woman, it seemed like I thought women had no responsibility or a role to play when their men cheat. Of course we do. Also, I was speaking very generally, and it would have been better if I gave some action points. So I'm doing it now.
Am I now blaming the other woman? No. I'm saying all women have a responsibility to themselves to be prepared to face and deal with infidelity. Not to face the other woman, mind you, but how to deal with the unfaithfulness, the betrayal and breaking of trust. I'm saying let's not make the "Other Woman" the bogey man, in fact, the cheating husband or boyfriend is not even the bogey man. The bogey man is YOU.
At this point you may be saying, Myne you've come again, or, Myne you're not serious. I am serious. And that is why I made this list. Whether single, about to get married, or already married, if you follow some of the principles below in a way that works for you, I believe "The Other Woman" will be of so little importance to you that she becomes a virtual non-issue.
1. Find your strength and self-esteem from deep within, and create a space where you can find happiness in things you enjoy doing and things you create, your children, hobbies and activities.
2. Learn and internalize kindness and generosity. Have female friends that cheer and support you, and spend time with them. Support other women and take joy in their progress, even the ones you don't know.
3. As you prepare for marriage, choose a man who complements you, a man you love, respect and trust, and ensure he knows and respects YOUR OWN PERSONAL stand on infidelity.
4. After marriage, do not put yourself on a moral pedestal above your husband, and other single women, because you are now a wife. You are still a human being, prone to mistakes and temptations, even if those temptations are not infidelity.
5. Acknowledge that your husband is an adult, you either married a friend or you make him one afterwards, but do understand that you do not own him, nor is he a robot to which only you have the remote control.
6. Show your gratitude verbally and in action when he reciprocates your love, respect and trust, and when he puts you first above others, remember to put that in your love bank.
7. But know that there will be others, men and women, married and unmarried, who will be his friends and who will complete his social circle and make him a more rounded and better person, for his own mental health, for you, and for the general society.
8. Continually reject the patriarchal or religious system that says you have to depend solely on your husband for your happiness and peace of mind. Know who you are and discover your individuality.
9. Understand what love means, and grow in it with your husband, cultivating and nourishing it everyday.
10. Your husband is your lover and a partner for life, try to make the time you have together count in exciting and refreshing ways. Believe me, when you have children together, your partnership will definitely be for life.
However, if after your husband has vowed to remain sexually and emotionally faithful to you, he flouts this commitment to you, and his pledge to God, the court and your marriage witnesses, then he has failed, and he alone deserves to answer for his unfaithfulness. Not the other woman, and not you. However, because you're the one who's partners with him, you will have to make a decision. That decision is yours alone to make, hopefully, we never get to the point we need to make that decision.