I've always been comfortable with adopting, and since we've had trouble conceiving and I found out I was infertile, the plans to adopt have been moved forward. We've recently started the process of becoming foster parents, and hopefully adoptive parents. I plan to blog about that as I have more to say since it is not a day's journey. In the meantime, the topic "Does the Baby Have To Be the Fruit of Your Loins?" and the comments it generated got my attention on BN. Testimony submitted this awesome comment that I just had to share;
Love doesn't know blood. It is love that makes a family, not blood. I was raised by a single mum at the beginning. On getting to secondary school, my sperm donor said he wanted me to live with him, my mum reluctantly agreed. In under 2 years of living with him, I was abandoned, yes abandoned my my biological father. I annoyed him one night, and he dragged me in my night gown with no slippers on.
I was just 11years old, and he drove me to my grandma’s house, not even my mum’s house and he dropped me off, and he said he never wanted to have anything to do with us, this includes me, my sisters (also his children), and my brother, whom he denied from pregnancy (as the Lord always does these things, my brother is the SPITTING image of him).
Everyone told him, this boy is your son, you only need to look at him, still he refused. It was a cross my mum had to bear, cos during his early years, anytime she looked at my brother, she is reminded of that man. She had 4 kids for this man, and he didnt marry her. At 11years with a nightgown and no slippers, I was dropped off like garbage and he never looked back. I have not seen him in almost 20years.
Shortly after that, my mum started seeing this man, much much older than her, a divorcee with 2 much older kids. He married my mum with 4 children, and that man was the best thing, I mean the best thing that EVER happened to us. I love him so much, I will do ANYTHING for him. He parented me better than my sperm donor ever did for the 11years I knew him. I call my mum’s husband daddy, none of my friends know he isn't my biological dad. Only long term friends and family know.
He raised the four of us, even better than he raised his kids, in my opinion. He said he made mistakes with his first family, and he always prayed to be given the chance to start again, then he met my mum with 4 children, the youngest under 2years old. All of us schooled abroad, his first 2 kids didnt, as he didnt have the money then. His children and his ex wife beef us like crazy, cos they say, we got the best of their father in so many ways, but luckily they both work in oil companies now, so even with their 9ja degree they are doing well. We his step kids are also doing well in our jobs. The last is in Canada studying for undergrad.
He is in his 70′s now, and he is so proud of us. He says we were the answers to his prayers, and he will forever be grateful for the chance he got to raise us. My brother never met his sperm donor, the immediate elder sister doesnt even remember him cos he walked out when she was 3. So to those two, that’s the only daddy they ever knew. Its me and my immeidate younger sister that can remember that man, and yes we have scars, me the worst, and it has affected how I deal with men. I don’t trust them at all, even though i’ve been shown more than enough love from my daddy.
So 5’5, the heart has no capability in its ability to love. At least you love your boyfriend or husband, and you are not related to him by blood. Like Mee above I also have gynae problems that has reduced my chances of conception. I cried about it for weeks, until a voice said to me, "you weren’t raised by your biological dad. If you needed an example of how blood doesn’t matter. You’ve had 20years of first hand experience. So snap out of it," and I did. I’ve made my peace with my condition.
Whatever comes, I can adopt, or use donor eggs, if I desire to experience pregnancy. Like @Mee said, I know the man I marry will marry me despite of my condition. he will choose me, above any biological children we may never have. There is no greater love than that. The kind of love that can make a man marry a woman with 4kids, and raise them as his own, that is the kind of love, I pray I will get, and I will not settle for less.
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