Love is Way More Than Sex - Two Men Speak


I have said it before that I'm tiring of the relationship between Olivia and the President in Scandal, an American TV show. At first, Atala wondered if it was my conservative side kicking in because they were basically committing adultery, but it wasn't it. I explained that since the first few episodes where they were portrayed as star crossed lovers living separate lives with broken hearts, these days their relationship was all about the sex. For a romantic like me, love is more than sex. If I cannot connect with you emotionally, then the sex is just a physical urge any other man, or even a sex toy, can satisfy.

In his review of the episode of Scandal that put a stop to my Ollie/Fitz fanclub membership, Harry wrote about the dangers of tying love too close to sex,

...I think the Writers should explore other angles to their love. 80% of the time we see Fitz and Olivia expressing their love to each other is when they are having sex. To me, it just means that Mellie is bad in bed and Olivia is compensating. The writers should explore dialogues and use events to show that the love they have for each other is way more than the sex... because to me I feel once the sex starts to suck, the love won’t prevail.


Viper agrees, insisting that "Sex should never be used as reward or compensation between two people who claim to be in love. It should be a mutual, voluntary outpouring of emotions." He shared his own personal story on this Dear Myne post,

I'll be going to Nigeria in 2 weeks for my wedding. When I met my fiancee 3 years ago, she was a virgin; she's still a virgin. I have spent 3 vacations in Nigeria since then and have been alone with her many times for extended periods (we once spent two weeks in a holiday resort alone) but because I saw her as my wife from the beginning, I didn't rush to sleep with her.

There's a certain self-restraint that comes with confidence that a certain person is yours or will be yours for life. My decision not to pressure her for sex is not because I am a christian or anything like that, it is simply because I love her, respect her views and more importantly have come at this point in my life to value choices like hers.

Now the most interesting part of the story, my fiancee's visa will take another six weeks to be processed as we have had to appeal the UKBA's initial decision. Since we have made the decision to make love for the first time on our matrimonial bed and not anywhere else, after the wedding in two weeks, I'll return to the UK and wait another 4 weeks before (hopefully) CONSUMMATING the marriage. We could have chosen to do it in any hotel rooom, in any of my friend's places, in her own apartment, or in her room in her parent's house but we didn't.

We are not in a hurry and sex doesn't define our love. I would have called anyone making this kind of decision a Jew Man or mugu in the past but I have come to value certain things over others. I enjoy our lengthy telephone conversations. The laughter I share with her. The hand-written letters from Nigeria twice every week. The beauty of our dreams. Those things matter. Sex is not everything.

Did you just go aww...me too :)

Do you have any personal stories to share? Leave in the comments or send me an email, myne@ mynewhitman.com