Dear Myne - My Husband's Ancestry is a Family Secret


Hi Myne, I've been all over your website looking for a place to drop a personal relationship question begging for an answer. But maybe I can leave it here? [This came in from my FB page. My email address is on the About page and you can also leave a comment on any post]

It's like this, I have been married to my husband for like 10 years now. When we were courting, he'd introduced his older sisters to me and the rest of his family, but unknown to me the one I came to know as his eldest sister was really his mother! He knew it then but didn't tell me.

Now, the truth came out late last year. Stuff happens everywhere, I know, and it could be one of those 'she got pregnant with him when she was was very young, maybe even didn't know who the father was' and it wouldn't be far from the truth or all that unusual a thing. What I mean is that it's not like it's some kind of never before heard of situation.


But I have become so very disturbed about the situation because of the fact that my husband doesn't want to find out who his real father is. It pains me that my children (3) don't have real roots. The secrecy surrounding my husband's real ancestry just refuses to clear, no one is talking. I'm scared it might be a big dark, maybe even abominable sort, what with the secrecy involved.

Now, having looked at the whole matter since I found out, plus the fact that my husband is OK with the status quo, I tried to accept the problem. I suggested that, why don't we start a family from himself (after all, it really takes only one man to start a family) and adopt his own first name as our family name. But he is non-cooperative...I am just lost for what to do or how to move ahead. He knows the secrecy is killing me but he just doesn't budge about it.


I think personally that this is reason enough for divorce, it's like I'd been deceived from the beginning. But maybe I'm being too emotional because I'm too close to the situation? Please I'd like to hear what your readers would think of this and what else could be done.