Dear Myne - He said I Used him and now Treats me Badly

I have been following your blog for a while and I am a fan especially on the Dear Myne segment. Please I need different opinions on what is currently going on in my life so I could make a decision especially from your people who follow you as I find them quite mature. Ok here goes my story, quite long but please indulge me.

While I was in the university, I dated this guy, I am a born again christian but he isn't but I loved him. He is actually a good guy. We broke up after service due to mainly distance and slight misunderstandings.

When he came back to Lagos after service, he tried to reconnect but I was already dating someone else but he kept on. He persisted until he traveled to the UK for his Masters on scholarship. Before he traveled, he told me to wait for him that he was going to come back because I was single as at the time he was living. He even introduced me to his folks but I wasn't comfortable with the distance thing. Long distance has never been my thing.

He kept in touch in the early period but started changing his mind that he won't come back to Nigeria but explore other options of going to Canada or USA. That made me change my mind. Anyways, I started dating other people and left him although true to him, he kept in touch but I had to start ignoring his calls because I was with someone else.

At the end of his programme, he got a wonderful opportunity to do his PHD and he came back to Nigeria to reconcile with me and also process his visa. When he came back, I was having issues with my relationship. I eventually broke up with that guy, and he wanted to come back to my life. True to God, I was heart broken and distraught and wasn't thinking well. I accepted him back and he processed my VISA to come see him in the UK. He paid for everything to even the shopping.

Now the dilemma, when I got to the UK, he wanted sex. I am still a virgin and never had sex before and he knows it. When we dated, we never had sex but he felt since we will be getting married, there was no need for me to hold back. I told him I couldn't because it is against my belief as a christian and I made that vow to God as early as 13 years old. I tried to explain and stuff but he wasn't satisfied.

During the weeks I stayed with him, every night was hell on earth as we would fight and argue. At a time, I almost gave up but when he wanted to start, the betrayal to God was too for me to bear and I had to tell him to stop. He felt very bad and said I used him. That I came all the way to London without having sex with him.

Now I am back to Nigeria, he hardly calls or even communicates with me. When I call, he acts strange. Note, I intend going for my masters this year in the UK on scholarship if I get one (I made good grades, first class so we are hoping for one) or save enough money for me to come over. That was our plans initially. Now he doesn't even talk about it at all.

My friends say I am to blame because I didn't spell it out that I wasn't going to sleep with him. Others say I should have just done it since we already had plans of getting married. I decided to give him space but when I couldn't hold it anymore, I broke up with him thinking it would not affect him since we hardly used to talk. But he felt so bad and called me impatient that I could not wait for him and stuff and now, we are back together.

The problem is we still do not communicate well and I feel so lonely. If I move on, he complains, if I don't, he doesn't treat me right. I have talked to him severally and made my feelings known but he still has not changed. I am seriously confused and have been praying but I don't want to lose him. I like him a lot, and he is actually a friend. He is a good man.

My question now is, should I move on or still continue waiting and be patient like he said?