Yesterday, the dear myne post went up and brought in some really illuminating comments from Chukky Eboka, who went into a lot of detail to explain his stand. While I do not completely agree with him, I do see many valid points he makes, some of which I've blogged about before. I have shared some excerpts from his view point below;
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I'm offering up opinion from a male perspective- but here we have all these women telling us how we should feel. I'm quite sure the guy in question will be in the same age range as me, and he is in the UK just as I am. I can share a lot of how he feels- and i am explaining it to her. but the problem with relationships is that we never listen to the opposite side.
Pray tell me of some other way an upwardly mobile, intelligent, fast paced lifestyle young heterosexual male has to establish his territory around a particular female he fancies. any way you come up with will no doubt be some vanilla experience that only a woman can devise and which a man can replicate with his multitude of friends male or female.
My point is don't pass up on a good relationship/marriage/life because of some questionable sense of morality. Its not about sex- i'm not here advocating promiscuity. Its about liberation. Live your life girl and stop letting archaic values come between you and your happiness.
Sex is a natural progression of the way we express our love as human beings. it makes the girl that we love different from the girl who is just our friend. Your guy lives in the UK where the threshold of morality differs eons away from what is norm in nigeria which is debatable cos i lived in nigeria until recently. if he's good looking he has friends here that will sleep with him just because he took them to a fancy club, bought a few drinks and they had a fun night out him. they wouldnt date him most of the time- the sex is regarded as just the culmination of a fun night.
But there you are his supposed girlfriend- he processed your visa, paid your way here on a 6 hour flight and took you shopping and you are holding onto archaic vestiges of decency and religion. how have you separated yourself from the other girls. how are you this girl he loves? how are you this special girl that means a lot to him? that he took this effort for? for a tenth of the effort he spent on you he will get two white girls to do unspeakable things with him.
I'm not saying you should go about whoring yourself because a guy spent money on you- i am saying if you love this guy which i assume you do else you wont have gone to the UK to visit him- then my friend you have to wake up and smell life. cos this is what life is- its no fairytale, and in love you have to give. men- people in fact dont express love by playing monopoly and eating tea and crumpets and going to visit big ben.
All those things are opportunities to pull her close and look in her eyes and drown in them, and kiss her and tell her you love her, and take her back to your room not because you're some randy sex starved person but because the only way you can share something special with her is by taking off all your clothes and sharing in each others beauty and pleasing each other and sharing something special- something much more than just sex. thats what binds you together- else you might as well just be his pal and you could have pal'd by skype from lagos.
Maybe im different but i dont have patience for people who take life way seriously that they pass up on good people for reasons that are debatably perceived as "moral". if it was me i would have checked you into a hotel after the second night- given you money to enjoy your stay in the uk just to let you know its not about money or sex and you wont have seen me till you left. what am i rambling about? if you don't love him or didnt love him you shouldnt have taken up his offer to come to the UK, if you do love him and you feel he is a good guy who loves you - then yes you have robbed him of an opportunity to share that love with you, one im certain he waited months to do
Its not about the sex. its about the reasons that shes holding unto virginity and depriving herself of being with a guy that she feels is a good guy. its about religion if we must come to it. its about attitudes and a liberated way of thinking. i dont want to marry a virgin. i dont know any guy that wants to or has married a virgin in my circle of friends. call me worldly or godless but i expect to be intimate with anyone i date before i marry her. revelations that can come from such intimacy sometimes has an impact on decisions on matrimony and spending the rest of your life together.
Sex is a big percentage of marriage and sorry but anyone who enters a marriage blind without knowing your sexual compatibility with your partner is naive and that person will end up regretting that decision. almost every girl i know that married as a virgin tell me they wished they had explored more sexually and many of them end up straying.
What say ye? I will also publish some of the comments from men who see it also from the other side. Let's discuss this one first.
Read more about Chukky Eboka's views of love on his blog.