The Little Things in Love are the Sweetest

I saw this on a friend's page and just knew I had to share it since it seems we had been talking about cheating and marriages gone bad for the past few days. Some of us indeed, like the guy in the story below, continue to get it wrong. Enjoy reading this and do have a splendid time with that special one in your life this Friday and Forever...

My name is Dayo. I’m a typical Nigerian guy and I cherish my Fridays a lot; I get to hang out with the sickest guys every Friday night and secondly, It’s another escape from my nagging and boring wife. I get confused sometimes on whether she’s my mother or my wife. Don’t get it twisted; I love her pieces. It just gets complicated; like I wish we never got married…marriage has turned her into something that doesn’t amuse me. I wish she was still the adventurous, charming, high spirited lady I dated for five years.

A lot of people say its unethical for married guys to be found in a club, but I wish everyone won’t be too quick to judge and understand that people look for fun to run away from their problems; they just want to breathe, like me.

I forgot to say that I work in Guarantee Trust Bank along Lekki, I love my job and my job loves me, maybe its because I’m the senior banking officer. Lol. This particular morning, a lady breezed into my office. My heart raced faster because I had not sighted anything this beautiful in a long while. She wasn’t the typical slender Barbie, in fact, she was a bit chubby but her smile, cuteness and…I was tripped.

“Hi Good morning! Your ATM has swallowed my card!” She laughed, unlike a typical customer that would ram you.

I just tried to form Boss laughter…

“Good morning, You know what? I’d personally make sure they get it out for you, but not today. Can you wait till Monday?” I smiled

“GTB shaaa! OK, can I just drop my number so you could call me up or just text when its ready so I don’t come twice? Please? My name is Nancy” She blinked her eyes in a funny way.

“Sure” I smiled

We exchanged numbers. What a lucky Friday!

So it was 10:00pm and I headed to the club…as usual my friends were chilling for me. My wife had called a couple of times, I just ignored it. She knows I’m never home Friday nights.

“Look at you!” I heard someone say. I raised my head and it was the Look at you!” I heard someone say. I raised my head and it was the ATM lady-Nancy.

“Wow, look at you too!” I was surprised to see her but I was happy I didn’t have to wait till Monday to see her again.

“Happy Friday!” She screamed because of the noise, “Wanna dance?”

I didn’t even have the chance to answer, she already pulled me to dance floor. I really suck at dancing but she helped me; she was a great dancer! I had fun! At some point we decided to go to a private area and we talked, ranging from work, business to personal life. I tried to hide my ring as much as possible, I certainly didn’t want this to end now.

“You are a really wonderful lady. You are so interesting…any guy would want to be with you all day” I said.

“I wasn’t always like this but I have learned the hard way that life is just too short to be sad” she sang

Then her phone rang…

“Hey baby! Yeah I’m at the private lounge, I’d like you to meet someone…alright boo” she talked excitedly as usual.

I was in shock until this tall handsome man walks up to her and kisses her.

“You were late. Meet Dayo; I met him this morning, he’s helping with your ATM I told you got swallowed and Dayo this is my B to the O-O,” she laughed “Meet my husband Kolade, we only come here to dance every fortnight Friday; away from work, stress and kids.”

“Wow, a pleasure” I managed to shake him

Then she stood now excitedly holding her husband’s arms.

“Why don’t we invite Dayo for Mimi’s 16th birthday tomorrow?” Her husband said

They have kids too? How long have they been married and they look like a couple just dating!

“Silly me, please come for my second daughter’s 16th tomorrow. It would be an honor” She brought out an I.V from her purse. I began to feel so ashamed of myself…this was another guy like me, getting it right with one woman.

I collected the I.V and promised to be there.

“See you tomorrow! Have you had something to eat Kolade?” she talked and dragged her husband along.

They left and I kept staring atat the thin air like I had seen a ghost. They come just to dance together every fortnight Fridays? Why didn’t I think of that! Temi loves to dance…she also likes long walks, she loves to talk…she loves jazz music, there’s this vivid picture I have of me putting her hand on my chest when we danced at a jazz club on our first year anniversary…I found myself typing all the things I knew Temi loved to do on my Ipad and I realized I had denied her of all…I had made her the old woman she acts.

What the hell was I doing here! I didn’t even tell my friends goodbye, I walked out of the club into my Jaguar. Temi’s call came through and I picked at first ring.

“Temi?” My heart raced

“I know you are not coming home…”

“I am, stay up so we can gist. Been a while” I decided to do everything on that list and to even add many more for the rest of my lifetime with her.

“Are you alright?” She was shocked I suppose

“And I’d like us to go for a birthday party tomorrow. I want you to meet this amazing couple”

“You sound different Dayo”

“Maybe I’m different”

“Don’t say it! don’t say it! when you come we will gist very well” she laughed

She laughed!!! In just that laughter that I hadn’t heard in a while, she sounded like the lady I married six years ago…

Dear reader,

I wrote this natural piece just to remind us that creating memorable moments with our partner matters. Do you know that little things are the sweetest things? Just creating time to gist and laugh with your partner, having a day in the week that’s exclusively for you both-No friends or kids allowed.

Lady, when last have you told your partner he is so darn hot? Guy! When last have you told your lady she is the sweetest thing? When last have whispered ‘Thank you’? When last have you been quick to say ‘I’m sorry’?

Do you even have a clue on what your partner loves to do?

When you ignore little things, they are the little pieces of rocks that build up to become a mountain you can’t easily break down.

Pay attention to little things, believe that they work and experience new bliss!

Yours Truly, Lowla Dee.

I just had to share this with u guys.....wish u luck!

Why Men Cheat - Infidelity is a Necessary Evil?

In a comment on the unrepentant husband, someone wrote, "he is definitely fooling around and ladies when ur man starts to cheat it is not always because you are doing something wrong or not giving him a lot of attention. Some men just love the chase and they have no idea how much they are hurting you. It also doesnt mean they love u any less." A few people agreed with the anonymous comment.

I want to guess and say the comment is posted by a woman and maybe the supporters are women too. I wonder, does she really believe this? Does this kind of marriage work for some people? Does it make them happy, better human beings? The comment reminded me of an article that had gone round the interwebs earlier this year. Read and let's discuss...
1. Most Men cannot have sex exclusively with just one woman, for the rest of their lives.
2. Men are created with varied sexual appetite ,some men can do without sex for a year, others cannot do without sex for a week.
3. A man who's madly in love with one woman can still have sex with other women but still love his 'woman'.
4. Some of the best husbands have concubines or mistresses, these extra marital affairs play a role in keeping the man sane and free of sexual tensions, especially during mid-life crises.
5.I f your man is just having sex with some sweet sexy teen or babe, DO NOT WORRY. But, if your man starts making midnight calls and exchanging text messages with another lady at odd hours, BE VERY WORRIED.
6. Before you choose your man, ensure he believes in AIDs, STDs and protected sex. That way, chances are that he will not bring HIV and other STDs into your life.
7. Most chronic wife beaters are faithful husbands, they hardly have extramarital affairs.
8. Most 'extra' loving husbands have concubines, these concubines keep the man abreast on new ways of making women happy.
9. Your man's mistress or concubine is most times not interested in you or your home. She has already seen your pictures and those of your kids via your hubby’s phone. She and your hubby just have a sexual understanding or partnership which helps both deal with peculiar individual issues.
10. As a woman, if you go all out in a bid to catch your husband red-handed cheating, you WILL succeed. Then what next? If u listen hard to your domestic servants in their private discussions, u will certainly hear them insult you, so why listen?
11. Judge your man by his responsibilities towards you and the kids, and NOT by who he's giving 'doggie style' to him in the office.

Now, let me say that I know this is the reality for some women, and maybe the way they cope with the situation is by accepting it as the norm. In fact, some people will argue all day, supporting this write-up as true and realistic, but my question is, Who are we deceiving? How is this something to aspire to? Should we not try to do away with stuffs that are detrimental to us?

Infidelity is bad. Promiscuity, which is what this write-up is basically condoning, is reprehensible. While consensual polygamy or serial monogamy might work, a relationship where infidelity or promiscuity is taken for granted is not a desirable one. No matter how much you think you can suppress your emotional side, any kind of betrayal hurts, and especially when it is from a man/woman you have decided to partner with for the rest of your life!

A lot of women do learn to live with cheating men, but may be sad and unproductive in other ways, some will transfer their aggression to the other woman, or their colleagues and subordinates, or worse, on their children. My question is, if you find yourself in this scenario, why not face the genesis of your problems? The cheating and randy man? Do not swallow it, for it may kill you slowly emotionally if not physically.

Before I round up, I have to point to the blatant fallacy in #7 - faithful husbands are wife beaters? What utter tosh! Quote me anywhere jare. Infidelity has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with men who are violent or not. One may even argue that since vices go together, an unfaithful man is more likely to be violent, including beating up their wives and children. But let's not conflate issues.

Any man that wants to learn new sexual stuff to please his wife, and the 'woman' he still supposedly loves, should read relevant books and well made instructional videos. If possible, watch it with the same woman. I think men who are promiscuous, and who think they can only release pressure through sex with a prostitute or mistress, are disrespectful, not just of women generally, but also themselves.

The bottom-line is that there are various ways to decompress both for men and women. Hit the gym, take up golf, or football, or your favorite sport, go back to your childhood talents and passions - writing, drawing, painting, knitting, tinkering with electronics, etc.

Also do things as a couple - stay indoors and gist, have sex together regularly or as often as you can, go to the club and dance off your energy, go to plays and the movies, poetry and book readings, art showings, owambe parties and so on. Try to remember the early days or dating or courtship and recreate some of what you did. :)

Rekindle your love and don't go looking for it when it's right there in your house.

PS, Google says the oldest appearance of the quoted article was  Men survive on extramarital sex written by Shode Olufemi, but Verastic also discussed it in an interesting way.

Winners and Losers - Team Nigeria at London 2012

I was cheering along with my MIL when the Nigerian contingent passed at the opening ceremony of the London 2012 Olympics. We had been guessing whether they would wear tracks, suits or native, and what kind of native. I think their design choice was a good one, a blend of the different cultures and one of the more contemporary ones out there. I loved white being the dominant color and that gele!

The girls especially, looked happy and some of them were actually digging it :)

But now, we've gone beyond the fun to the games proper, and the winners and losers are beginning to emerge for Team Nigeria.

The Nigerian basketball team, D'Tigers, won their first game at the 2012 London Olympics, beating Tunisia 60-56. They are the first basketball team in Nigerian sporting history to win a match at the Olympics and need only another win to get through to the next round.

Segun Toriola in Table Tennis lost 4-1 to Swedish Persson Jorgen in his second outing of the London 2012 Table Tennis event, thereby falling out of the competition. He joins female table tennis contestants, Edem Offiong and Funke Oshonaike who had earlier lost out in their first events.

As they say though, it's not over till it's over. We still have our track and field hopes and the best to the basketball team and all the others.

For The Love of Books, Blogging And Meeting Bloggers

With reporter for Moment News - Afoke

I will be speaking at two events today in Lagos. At BookN'Gauge I'll be discussing my love of books and my "undying passion for promoting literary arts." LOL...that is directly from the press release by the organizers. I do love books. I also love blogging and meeting bloggers. So, I will use the opportunity after this event to interact with those interested in blogging. Book discussion is between 2 - 5 and from then to 6.30pm, I will be answering questions about blogging.

DATE: Saturday, July 28, 2012
TIME: STRICTLY 2pm – 6pm
VENUE: Debonair Bookstore, 294, Herbert Macaulay Way, Sabo, Yaba. Lagos.

I have also been out and about Lagos, meeting old and new people, some I know from blogging, Facebook, Twitter, etc. Fun times yesterday. To know my up-to-the-minute movements, follow me on Twitter and we can hook up. You will also see pictures of naked fighters and other sundry adventures, LOL...

At Inspiration FM with Pamela and Praise

Titi joins us - she's the presenter of the show I was on 11am-3pm

Another guest - Oti Nanna, a talented poet

Three bloggers I had lunch with yesterday. Thanks Ladies, and Twitter :)

PS. I have another event in Ikoyi tomorrow which is more intimate (2pm - 4pm). If that is more convenient for you, call me 0703752110(1+1). Hope you can figure that out :)

Have a great weekend everyone, mwah!

Why Will You Forgive A Woman Who Cheats?

"I'm deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I've caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected. This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I'm so sorry."

Now, the title of this post is a question is for the men. And the women who love and know them well, of course.

It recently surfaced that Kristen Stewart of the Twilight fame was cheating on Robert Pattinson, her boyfriend of 3 years. She admitted to cheating and issued a public apology, which I have quoted above. Heartfelt or not, genuine or not, it is an apology, and more than some men would give if found out. In fact, earlier this week, we were discussing a man who may, or may not, be cheating and how unrepentant he was.

It's instructive to note that in the Kristen Stewart case, the spotlight is not as fixed on her cheating partner who actually has more to answer for, being married with children and all. This seems to bear out the societal double standards, like a man can cheat but not a woman. The normative thinking being that men are wired not to be faithful, but women are definitely socialized to be moral and upstanding. So for a woman to cheat, she has deviated more from the norm than a man who does the same.

Now, common knowledge has it that men find it harder, if not impossible, to forgive a woman who cheats. I don't know how general this is because I have heard of men who forgave their cheating girlfriends or wives for one reason or the other. I'm interested in those reasons. In a post last year on women and their cheating husbands, there was a debate on the other side of the equation, on women who forgive infidelity and stay in a relationship or marriage. Today, let's flip it.

Why would you forgive a woman who cheated on you? Will you even forgive? And if you forgive, will you remain in the relationship/marriage?

Good Luck to Nigeria at the London 2012 Olympics

Long jump athlete Blessing Okagbare
I am a fan of the Olympic games, have always been right from childhood when we would sit in front of our boxed TV set to watch the opening ceremony in black and white with my dad. For me, it was one of those things that united us as a country, and I admired the Olympians for having done well enough to represent the country.

Of course there was also the grandeur of the Olympics opening ceremony itself, the effizzy, the people, the culture, the color, everything was perfectly orchestrated to amaze. I just loved the show!

I am happy I am in Nigeria this time so I can watch it live without having to stay up till ridiculous hours. The man behind the opening ceremony is the Trainspotting and Slumdog Millionaire director, Danny Boyle, and according to reports, he is not stinting.

The centerpiece of the event is an "Isles of Wonder" vision, inspired by Shakespeare's The Tempest. Every other thing is top secret but will all soon be revealed. I look forward to it all.

As the games begin after that, I want to wish our Nigerian contingent all the best of luck. They may not be comparable to some of the top-tier countries, but they always try to fly the flag gallantly and bring back one or two medals. You can read more about them HERE.

Review of Social Networking Site started out as, a popular social networking site that was one of the first of its kind on the Internet. Since then, things have changed a lot, and in my opinion as someone who uses most of such sites, a lot of those changes are for the better.

With the current diversity and proliferation in the social networking landscape, including Facebook, Twitter, etc, there was the need for a service that would help its members to keep it all together. Now people can log onto and get all of their social networking information in one place. They can check their messages, emails, and status updates without having to log on to 10 different websites to do so.

This collaboration on the part of makes it a very useful place to visit each day. You can still use the old features: people search being the popular one for most people. also allows you to see who is searching for you online, meaning that you get a great idea of the people that want to reconnect with you, without having to throw too many messages their way. Profiles are still active, too, so you can email other members.

Thankfully, a lot of people have stuck with service, too, and they currently have over 60 million active members. For those who are looking for a central place from which to co-ordinate their social media activities, check out You'll be able to have an active life on the website, but you can also control all of your other networks from that location as well.

However, like most internet services, be sure to read the fine print before you sign up or subscribe.

Lazy Days of Summer Giveaway Hop

Most of my summer this year has been spent travelling and so I can't claim to have had a lazy one. I was moving from Seattle to DC and back and wash, rinse and repeat to Nigeria with all the stress of air trips.

One relaxing aspect though - I have had time to read during layovers and when the power goes out in Nigeria and there's no internet. Two books down so far :).

To share that with you all, I will be giving away a book of your choice from book depository or Amazon of not more than $10 value (including shipping). To enter, just ensure to follow this blog via GFC. If you also follow me on Twitter, Google+ or Facebook, that would be great too.

Simple, right?

Oh, yes...and leave a comment with your details or email if I can't reach you via your blogger profile.

The winner will receive an email within 72 hrs of the close of the giveaway and have same amount of time to respond or another person will be selected. Goodluck!

The Lazy Days of Summer Giveaway Hop is from July 27th to August 1st and hosted by Colorimety and I Am A Reader, Not A Writer. Check out other participants below:

Uche Jombo's Wedding Pictures in WOW Magazine

Uche Jombo got married to Kenny Rodriguez in a low key destination wedding (Puerto Rico) on May 16, 2012. WOW magazine, run by Julie Odia who was on the bridal train, got exclusive rights to the wedding and has just published the pictures. Enjoy the few shots here...

Don't forget to get your current edition of WOW magazine for the real deal...

Wedding Ceremony Photos: Rafael
Cover Shoot: Angel Nieves

Courtesy: WOW Magazine


Passguide -
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Examsheets -
Selftestengine -
Realtests -

When Knowing You're Loved Is Not Enough - Tobi Atte

It starts…without us even thinking much. We find ourselves acting like we are more hurt than we really are when they make a mistake, we get a bit more careless with our negative emotions and habits, and we silently dare our significant others to deal with it because they have no choice…we enter a fight knowing we are partly at fault but we put our significant others in a position where they are the ones saying “I’m sorry”. We don’t even realize when these thoughts pop in and how we make these decisions. All we know is how we feel and that we don’t feel loved.

You’ve just come to that point. That point where knowing you’re loved is not enough…that point where you want to feel loved. You need evidence. You are restless about it (and perhaps rightfully so) and you are getting the bold blood flowing… You’re ready to hold an emotional gun to your significant others’ head and demand that love. You want to tell them to get on their emotional knees and fork out the love money.

Here are some fixes that are not popular but are fundamental and important. They may not solve all your love woes but they will surely help…a lot.

1.) Stop asking “why” ask “how”: When things are not going great…when we are not “feeling the love”, we start asking ourselves “why?”. Why isn’t he /she showing me love anymore? Why has her/his behavior changed? Why are things different? The problem with that is that there could be a million reasons and it is too complex to comprehend, manage or change. You may even cook up more to the situation than there really is. You may create a monster that you have no idea how to kill.

The better question is “HOW?” How is he/she not showing me love anymore? HOW has her/his behavior changed? HOW are things different? This line of thought makes things more specific and brings the thought to HOW “specifically” things have changed. It isolates the current issue from others that may not have anything to do with what you are going through now, and allows you to deal with the issue in front of you on a smaller and manageable scale. It focuses on the PROCESS of change not the REASON for change and the process of change is often more important than the reason.

Think about it. Think about something foolish you did before, that you don’t want to do again and ask yourself: “WHY did I get there” and compare that to the question “HOW did I get there”, and you’ll see that with WHY, it can get a little vague. Even if you could pin-point the reasons, it is still difficult to orchestrate the changes you need to make so that you don’t do that thing again. Not so much with HOW. “How” lets us take our emotions out of it a little and see with a bit more objective eyes. It lets us see “process” and if we see process, we can orchestrate change better. So back to love. Ask “HOW”.

I think there are two levels to “HOW”, and I have nicknamed them “HOW-Situational” and “HOW-Meaning”. The description I just gave above about HOW, is the first part- Process- Identifying HOW the behavior has changed?

The first step in the “HOW” questions is seeing specifically HOW the behavior has changed. That’s the HOW- Process

The second step is to seek meaning. “HOW does this change mean xyz…?” That’s the HOW- Meaning. In other words, we have to ask how this change in process “means” what we think it means. In this case, we are talking about relationships. Once we ask ourselves HOW the love has changed, then we can take the answer and plug it in the “HOW –Meaning” equation. For example:

Step 1 (How-Process):
Question-HOW has he/she changed? How is he/she not showing me enough love right now?
Answer-He /She used to call me first thing in the morning to say good morning and I liked that. That doesn’t happen anymore.

Step 2 (How-Meaning)
Question-HOW does that mean he/she does not love me anymore? How does that mean that he/she loves me less?
Possible Answer-Maybe…maybe not. Does he/she spend more time on the phone with me at other times of the day? Does he/she have later nights or earlier mornings now? Do we have more intimacy in other areas of our relationship? Am I going through more emotionally draining situations in my own life that requires a bit more from him/her? DOES he/she know…did I ever verbalize how much I really enjoyed those early morning phone calls? Even if he/she did know, did they know just how much that meant to me to the point where they knew that if they stopped doing it, I would interpret it as a reduction in love?

Here is a good one: “Does that morning phone call really define love for me, or have I just associated that call with love….furthermore, can I find other things in our relationship to associate with receiving love?

Powerful…because it’s important to know that just because there is a change, doesn’t mean that there is now an absence or reduction in love….or it might. Who know…the point is that this mental process gives us OPTIONS…Options as to how to manage our emotions and keep things positive. By the time we go through this exercise in our head, we “may” see that the situation may not be as grim as we made it to be.
The good thing is that even after going through this process, we still come to the conclusion that we are in a wrong relationship, then we would have arrived at that conclusion having taken the right mental journey. We would have RESPONDED not REACTED.

This isn’t to down play that need to be showered with love “just because”. Oh no. It isn’t always a scientific or psychological exercise when we feel a little pang of physical or emotional loneliness for whatever reason. No this is simply giving you a powerful tool to protect your relationship when that little pang goes for a little longer than expected or when the panic meter spikes a bit. This thought pattern may not even solve the problem at all but it will certain put you in more control of your emotions when do go through this. Go ahead...get your loving…but know this tool to keep sanity in the relationship.

Tobi Atte is the writer behind and a certified Neuro Linguistic Programming Practitioner and Motivational Coach. He is a dynamic speaker on several topics such as motivation, change, leadership, success empowerment, relationships, fresh perspectives on faith, and personal growth in general. Read the first in this series at “I know…but that’s not enough Part 1”

Dear Myne - My Husband is Unfaithful and not Repentant

Why is it that it's generally difficult for men to say they are sorry for an action that is so glaring that they erred in. How do you advise a woman to react when her husband called her gsm number thinking it is his girl friend's number? And then to be claiming that he did it intentionally because he has a free credit.

I had just jisted with my husband in our room around 10.00pm some days ago when he said he had to use the toilet. I took the opportunity to check a few things around the house including the children and the kitchen. A few minutes later, same day same house, I heard my phone ringing. I went to pick it in the parlor and it was my husband.

He called me baby, which he rarely does and started jisting with me on off topic matters, nothing we had said before in the bedroom. I pretended too, until he realised his mistake when the conversation was not flowing as expected.

I went into the bedroom and confronted him but he is insisting he knew he was calling my number and just felt like using his free MTN weekend credit. I asked about calling me baby and he said and so what?

The thing is that he didn't say anything I can really hold on to but I am sure that call was not meant for me and the fact he is denying it makes me even more suspicious.

Myne I want you to throw it open to your numerous audience, will love to hear their reactions too, thanks.

More Love Dust on Our Wedding Story Nigeria

I recently got an email about a new website whose vision touches on my romantic side. Our Wedding Story Nigeria is aimed at giving everyone a chance to tell their love stories, share pictures and videos with no holds barred. The new website hopes to connect with every young person who wants to share their wedding story with millions of other people. There are currently two stories up on the site now as follows.

Damilola Ogunwale and Olakunle Tyson

According to Damilola - "I met Kunle at a bachelor’s eve of a friend. He happened to be the one who drove to the venue of the party. We chatted a couple of times and he kept me company. The attraction for me towards him was totally different. I noticed he was very religious person and I liked that. Kunle has a merry soul; he always tries to make people happy because he is filled with so much happiness. Though my impression of him was that he was quite talkative, I liked him."

Babatunde and Temitope Olawuyi

Babatunde met his wife Temitope in a business forum on a blackberry group and that was how it all started. Attraction from him towards her grew as the he was under continuous attacks whenever he shared his opinion in the group. Nevertheless, it grew to what turned out to be a wonderful union.

Read the rest of these love stories and other articles and reviews on OWSN

He Gentle O! - Naeto C's Wedding Pictures

Since being in the country, I've listened to a lot of Nigerian songs on the radio as well as watched several on various music video channels. One of the musicians, in this case a rapper, who has stood out is Naeto C with his catchy latest - I Gentle O.

The very gentle MC with an MSc got married this weekend to his fiancee, Nicole Chukwueke, and you can't help but appreciate his dapper look. Naeto C is also very respectful with the women in his videos and I like him for that.

His wife is indeed very beautiful, and what a pretty bride. I wonder if any of his songs, especially 5 and 6, were written with her in mind. It's a lovely romantic song :)

I wish them the very best of love and marriage and may they forever be 5 and 6.

Colorado Shooting and Gun Control in America

Jessica Ghawi - May her soul rest  in peace

I love the cinema and especially for seeing big budget blockbusters on the big screen. And this summer, there is no bigger movie than The Dark Knight Rises. Right from the first previews, I knew I was going to watch it and I would have been seated at my local Cinema today watching it, if not for the fact that unforeseen circumstances brought us to Nigeria. The plan was to see it immediately I got back but the dream is now tarnished by the recent event and news coming out of America.

At the Colorado midnight screening of The Dark Knight Rises on Friday, a lone gunman, suspected to be James Holmes, dressed in costume, opened fire. He killed at least 12 people and injured about 58 others including a 4-months old baby. While I do not live in Colorado, this shooting is no less closer to home than all the others including the Oikos University Shooting which I blogged about.

Jessica Ghawi, one of the victims of the Colorado shooting,  had also been present in a Toronto mall in June where another gunman opened fire on innocent bystanders, and had just minutes before left the venue. In a blog titled, Late Night Thoughts on the Eaton Center Shooting, she talks about an odd feeling inside her chest, and how with that and pure chance, her life was saved.

In part of the blog, she wrote;

“There was a shooting in the food court,” kept being whispered through the crowd like a game of telephone. I was standing near a security guard when I heard him say over his walkie talkie, “One fatality.” At this point I was convinced I was going to throw up. I’m not an EMT or a police officer. I’m not trained to handle crime and murder. Gun crimes are fairly common where I grew up in Texas, but I never imagined I’d experience a violent crime first hand. I’m on vacation and wanted to eat and go shopping. Everyone else at the mall probably wanted the same thing. I doubt anyone left for the mall imagined they witness a shooting.

I read her blog post and felt nauseous too.

Of certain events that can lead to mass deaths, there are radical political or religious terrorists, and there are natural disasters. I do not understand them either but the concept of gunmen of unknown motives mowing down innocent people is even more distressing to me. How can these people obtain guns so easily?

James Holmes had four guns, purchased from three different shops. One of the shops has said they followed all protocol to sell the guns but what does that mean when we keep hearing about these mass shootings? There has almost been one for every month I have lived in the USA. [Timeline: Worst mass shootings in U.S.]

In an article on the CNN, a columnist, John Donohue, wrote about the hard road America faces if it decides to face gun control squarely.

The conceptual problem is immensely difficult, especially in a society that is already as gun-saturated as America is today. The political problem borders on the impossible. Gun policy in this country is made by the National Rifle Association, and no serious effort at gun control can currently get past its veto.

Even when legislation passed during the Clinton years in the form of the Brady bill, requiring background checks at the time of gun purchases, or the assault weapons ban, the NRA succeeded in injecting gaping loopholes into the laws.

Who needs to go through a background check at Walmart when you can get your gun without one at the local gun show or from some shady figure on a street corner?

The assault weapon ban only prohibited the manufacture of new guns (it grandfathered in a huge cache of pre-existing weapons) and gun manufacturers easily redesigned their guns to circumvent the ban. The NRA then trumpets how "gun control" doesn't work. [Source]

Like Donohue, I believe that no matter how torturous the process seems, the NRA better buckle up and smell the coffee. So many lives are being lost unnecessarily and until they understand that we are not in the times of the Wild Wild West anymore, more worthy people like Jessica Ghawi, Doris Chibuko, and all the others will continue to be lost.

Guns in every hand, or even in any hand that wants it, is a senseless policy, and in these days of multiple mental health issues and variable ideas and ideologies, gun control is an imperative.

More of the Smithsonian - The Sculpture Garden

Just so you know that the Smithsonian is not all musty and stuffy museums and galleries, there is the Sculpture Garden that takes you outside and into the fresh air. There is an eclectic mix of sculptures in various media all displayed with commentary.

Looking like as a village woman in front of my hut waiting for nna anyi :)

Atala loved this shiny metal tree that soared into the skies

This is flat but looks eerily 3D

With the thinking rabbit

A spiny anteater, a bridge, a spiky chair? Your guess is as good as mine

A dog from outer space? Or just a convenient place for shade :)

This fountain was definitely cooling, even just to look at

And to put your feet inside :)

A few more minutes please? He said no and we left soon after to the next museum, LOL...

Changing Careers After Marriage - My Experience

When I moved to the United States in 2009, I knew I was taking a leap of faith. I had finished a Master’s in Public Health Research in 2007 and worked for about a year after that with the Health Department of the Scottish Government in Edinburgh. I quit the job at the end of 2008 not because I didn’t like them, but I had just gotten married and preferred to join Atala who lived in the United States.

The recession really hit after I got to the USA and finding a job was out of the question anyway. So I had to ask myself serious questions, the foremost of which was, how do I reinvent my career? Fortunately for me, I had a small savings cushion and being married allowed me to optimize every penny. However, apart from the fears of how to be financially successful, other fears also lurked at the back of my mind.

After working since my graduation almost a decade earlier, I was afraid of stepping into the unknown and uncharted territory of being without an income. A part of me worried about what people – my friends, my colleagues and people I had gone to school with – would say. At the top of that list were my parents who had invested, emotionally and financially, in my education and lifestyle. I did not want to disappoint them, and the dreams they had of me, some of which we had shared together.

Still, I knew I had to remain true to myself. No matter how much I cared about other people or how much they cared about me, it was my life alone to live. Any decisions I made would affect me more than any other person. So while the fear that I had been wrong in making the inter-continental move simmered, I put some of my previous knowledge to good use.

If there was one thing that had been confirmed by my master’s degree, it was how paramount research, planning and information were to any project. I set out to find all the evidence I needed to begin to map out a new future. Gathering data and measuring article after article against each other helped me put things in perspective. I had a clearer view of where I was going.

I began to see that fear was a normal and common-place among those who had switched careers or stopped working at a certain point in their life. I found relevant blogs and it was reassuring to know, from reading other people’s accounts that I was not alone, as most of them wrote about the same fears that I had. They cautioned against being stuck at the stage of doing nothing, and the consensus was to keep moving, even if you might only be able to take small steps.

It is often said that when you do what you love, you’ll never work another day in your life. I thought about this for a long time and how to apply it to my life. Even though the decision to quit my last job and move to a new country had been a serious one, this time, I dug even deeper. I had to find those things I was passionate about.

There were not many options, as they would have to suit my situation were to do something that while it did not entail formal employment would allow me to gain some new skills and experience as well as build on the ones I already had. In my particular circumstance, it boiled down to the following;

- Volunteering, also known as internships in some places
- Taking up one of my skills/talents, writing, crafting, painting, etc
- Establishing my own business in an area I was passionate about.

I registered with a couple of charities in my local area and soon had positions with them. Volunteering is a great way to test out the job pool without sinking or drowning. I was working a total of 4 hours a week, at most six, and the positions were fulfilling. At the same time, I also joined a writing group, and began to work seriously on the novels I had in my flash drive.

I began blogging not too long after that in order to sample public opinion of my manuscript. This culminated in publishing my first book in December 2009, winning the Best Nigerian Blog Award for 2010, and releasing my second novel in March 2011.

With all my experiences in the last three years, including disappointments as well as achievements, I have learnt some things about changing your career after you get married, or at any other time in your life. The most important is the ability to ask yourself questions, to get as much information as you need and to keep moving, assessing and learning from each step you take.

In my opinion, life is a journey, and sometimes it is not about the destination as about enjoying the drive and stops in between. When you believe in yourself and learn to roll with the punches, changing your career can be a positive and enriching experience that will take you to heights you never knew.


This article was first published as Map Out a New Future on the Jobberman Blog

Dove® VisibleCare™ Toning Crème Body Wash Review

In the past few years I have had to be more intentional in taking care of my skin since I had a case of sun burn after my first visit to a beach here in the United States. I have to be very selective in the products I use, not just for my face, but also for my skin. I want products, creams, lotions, and body washes  that will pamper my skin and keep me moisturized for longer.

Dove is a brand I trust for my skin care since their soaps have Vitamin E and moisture which is really good for my dry skin. Before I was asked to review the Dove® VisibleCare™ Toning Crème Body Wash, I used the Dove NutriumMoisture body wash and have always liked the Dove Brand. The first time I used the VisibleCare Toning Creme Body Wash, I noticed the differences immediately.

It has a new rich pearly formula that produced lots of lather for the amount I used and which felt even softer and smoother on the skin than my usual soap. The scent is light and delicate, with a woodsy fragrance that left me feeling clean and refreshed after I rinsed off. It was definitely a fresher, brighter me that walked out of the shower that morning.

New Dove® VisibleCare Toning Crème Body Wash is billed to help to promote skin’s elasticity and strength and in addition to the instant results, one is supposed to see a visible difference in the look and feel of their skin within one week. I have been using this body wash for about a week and a few days now, and indeed my skin actually feels more hydrated and moisturized.

With winter over and summer being the time for clothes showing more skin, I need to have the confidence that my skin is well taken care of and protected from the sun. I also want to feel beautiful and good in the skin I have. I have to say that Dove's new VisibleCare Toning Creme Body Wash ticks all the boxes and will become my daily body wash going forward.

And you know what? The price remains the same though this new VisibleCare™ is a revolutionary line of premium body wash from Dove and contains the highest concentration of NutriumMoisture technology across the Dove portfolio. There are also two other variants of the Dove® VisibleCare™ available in stores;

- The Renewing Body Wash which nourishes and replenishes skin,
- The Softening Body Wash which softens skin and dry spots.

You can visit Dove’s website for more info - Visit Dove® VisibleCare® to get a coupon for $1 off!

So what do you do to take care of your skin and keep it looking good and feeling beautiful?

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-PS, I received the above product, free of charge, to facilitate this review but all opinions are my own.

Dear Myne, I love my Ex enough to be his Second Wife

Please read this to the end before you comment. Thanks!

Dear Myne, i have been enjoying ur blog for a while now. Its like talking to u in person really. Recently, i read where u urged readers to write u about issues concerning relationship that are not working out for them, to seek advice. I wanted to write for a long time but i always hold back. Afraid, yes, i am. I tried to mail my story to u but it always comes back. So i used the facebook page, a risk i wanted to take cos i want ur advice seriously.

I am also hoping that by telling u my story, other respectable readers will assist me with their sincere advice. I have never been married. Not because i didnt want to but because the right man has not come along.

This is my story. I met my first love in 1998. We were so much in love. I just finished secondary school so i never had a BF until i finished. We were dating and already talking about marriage. I wanted to further my studies but my parents could not sponsor me because we were poor. So i was called from lagos by my Dad's friend to work in one of his friends companies so as to save and further my studies. I left in 1999 to lagos. It was difficult parting but i promised to come back after a year to prepare for the marriage. While in lag, i will call my BF from a PayPhone because there NITEL then. Infact, i spent so much money on communcation. Lots of guys asked me out but i also tell them am engaged!

It was in November 2000, my cousin called to inform me that my BF was getting married that weekend!. When i asked him, he said something about his father not wanting to set him up in business unless he gets married. Since i was far away in lagos and he was lonely he met another girl. But the girls parents seeing his interest in their daughter arranged with the father to have the couples married. I have been ever since heartbroken. Now after 11years, with two failed relationships that didnt led into marriage. I found out i still love my Ex! What should i do?

From Myne - I felt that this request needed some holes plugged so I sent a reply probing deeper.

I just read your story and I am touched. I will surely post your story for others to contribute.
On my part, I want to ask if your ex is still married? Has he said he still cares for you/ If so, will you accept to be his second wife?
I want to suggest that you move on but I know sometimes our heart decides who to love.

This was the reply I received;

Yes, he's still married.
No, i have not seen him yet to confirm that. And
Yes, if he ask me again and still loves me, i will love to be a Second wife. Remember am a muslim and a hausa/fulani by tribe. Although, choosing a separate house will be more suitable to the marriage.
I have not seen him for the past 7years, but am told he is based in Abuja and does come to kano often. I do not have his phone number, afraid if i do, i will be tempted to call him.
Yes, to move on will be best. But my heart is in turmoil. Am thinking constantly about him. You know all those old memories that i thought were gone, are coming back to me and occupying my thoughts and heart. I have not thought of him for a long time until recently. Thats why i thought its a sign that we are meant to be together again. And also why i need ur advice. Am open to ur suggestions and advice. Allah knows best.

So please be respectful of her religion as you reply. Cheers.