Should You Get Back together with an Ex?


When Taylor Swift was doing the TV rounds to promote her latest album Red, the single that she performed most often was the one above. She told the ladies on The View why she wrote the song from her experience with some exes who sometimes refused to remain in the past. She laughed a lot as she told the story and I could see where she was coming from, if the ex was a real cuckoo.

But what if the ex was one of those, the one that got away. Someone you thought was your soul mate until something happened to break you guys up. I have sometimes heard from friends and other women how they dream that some of their exes would come back one day and say they made a mistake and should never have let them go. My romantic heart actually wrote two exes back together in A Love Rekindled, lol. Below are some pros and cons of getting back with an ex...

Don't Take Them Back Because...

1. You Can Never Make It Like It Used to Be
Some relationships simply can't withstand that moment when the magic ends. No need to get back together and beat a dead horse.

2. It Might Be for the Wrong Reasons
When you have that familiarity with each other, it's so easy to fall into bad habits. For example, I've gotten back together with many women as a temporary Band-Aid for our mutual loneliness (which usually plays itself out in the form of sex with no real relationship).

3. They Might Hurt You Again
Obviously, if someone hurt you, they could do the exact same thing again. So, on top of the pain, you'll feel stupid making the same mistake twice.

4. They'll Think They Can Get Away with Anything
If you take someone back, they may think they can get away with treating you badly and they'll take advantage of you. You don't want to be that person, so think hard before you take that risk.

5. You Have No Room to Grow
Meeting new people helps you grow, and you learn from each new relationship. Going back to the old relationship might stunt your growth as a person...and prevent you from meeting someone better.

Give Them Another Chance Because...

1. We All Deserve a Second Chance
There's power in forgiveness. If you expect perfect behavior in your significant others, you'll be disappointed, and breaking up often.

2. Losing You Made Them Get Their Act Together
The reality of losing someone causes people to get their act together. They do some soul-searching to figure out where they went wrong and they realize how they should develop to be better in the relationship the next time around.

3. You Might Regret Not Taking Them Back
We've all be there before with the one who got away. Sometimes it's worth taking the risk to take someone back simply because we know we'll regret it later, and wonder what could have been.

4. It's Impossible Not to Take Them Back
Usually, your heart is wrong and your head is right, but your heart wins out. Sometimes it's impossible to say "no," and that's OK. Just don't be surprised if it doesn't work out.

5. It Could Be Better Than It Ever Was
This is rare, in my opinion, but my parents are a good example of this. They got back together after a separation and they've been happy together ever since. Sometimes a break helps you sit back and take stock of everything. If the growth you do while you're apart is complementary, then you might be able to give it another shot.

Ultimately, I'd lean toward not taking someone back. I think it's important to move on and meet new people and gain experience. It's definitely riskier to take someone back than it is not to let them back in your life. However, I find it incredibly romantic when two people are separated by circumstance and time and overcome the odds to end up together.

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So have you had successful relationships with anyone the second time around? What's your policy on taking an ex back, and what are your thoughts on the pros and cons above? Is it usually a tough decision for you? What if the ex threw in a grand gesture and declaration of love, or a proposal of marriage? Will that tip the balance for you?


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