Make The Happy You Want To Be
Some quotes are cliche until you undergo specific events or experiences. Does one see a white light when they are under general anesthesia or do they float outside and above their body? Does becoming a mother make every woman a conservative republican? You can only live it to know it, LOL. On a personal level, while I've learnt to own my infertility, it becomes more difficult to explain it to someone else.
Like on this blog, I usually do it in a very simple and straightforward manner. I try to tell them the truth as I understand it. The difficulty is that everyone understands it differently, and because procreation is such a big part of life, most people have an opinion, and a strong one at that, on how it should be done. Presenting a more individual, this-is-my-story perspective is often misunderstood.
A few comments have asked why Infertility instead of TTC? But the fact is that this series is more than trying to conceive. If you believe, like I do, that God has given us all things for this life, and to be like Him, through our knowledge of Christ, it gives one a lot of insight. If there's anything I will need in this life, it is already given, and I don't have to beg or cajole or push my own will at God. I only have to trust and to accept and to live my life.
I'll say it again, infertility is not easy for me. I doubt that it is for any woman, or man. Finding out that I needed treatment to get pregnant or it may never happen was one of the more jolting experiences of my life. Thinking that you may never have a child that has your face, your eyes, or your nose can be depressing, especially when you've somehow always taken it for granted. And then, there's the worry about what people you have told are thinking or discussing about you. It is no wonder that many of us wrap it in a large, dark cocoon. In many ways, it is easier like that.
That said, infertility is equally not the end of the world. In fact, being infertile and talking about it - with my husband and with my family and with you guys - has helped me to grow as a person. It is like passing through fire and coming out refined on the other side. I know better who I am and who I am not, what defines me and what does not. I have found emotional and personal fulfillment, and I have learnt even more about life, about love, about faith and about happiness.
Of course it helps that we are on the same page, my husband and I. Through him I have a better handle on the experience, and what it means to have and to hold, for better and for worse. The bigger picture is clearer for both of us. I have accepted my reality of infertility. It happened gradually, but it is part of who I am now.
At this point in time, I chose be the happy that I make myself. I will make that happy rather than waiting for it because I believe everything has already been given. It is up to me to take and use what is supplied - including good health, family, the love of a wonderful man and the many opportunities available to us. Life indeed is about choices and a lot of time, we have that power to decide what to make of wherever we find ourselves.
Naijamum in London wrote a wonderful post about Locus of Control, both internal and external and how we can make personal choices about the circumstances we find in our lives. For those who have ever found themselves in various difficult situations, recognizing your power of choice is one way to enable you find your happy balance. Don't wait, and don't even think of giving up, YOU can make the happy you want to be.