Dear Myne - I have Commitment Issues
I love your blog and I do not know if you could oblige me by posting my 'issue' up there. How can one overcome the fear of commitment? I have been dating a wonderful man for three years and the fear of even getting a proposal scares me that I break out in cold sweats. I broke off the relationship twice and got back again. I am afraid he may not be the one. I'd really appreciate some good advice.
We met during NYSC programme and started dating few months afterwards. We have the same values and principles on salient issues and he is very committed to God like I am. He has a sense of duty and commitment and my folks like him though we are from different tribes. He knows how to care for me, even though we quarrel we try to sort things up as soon as possible.
We had a did long distance relationship lfor about a year but he lives closer in Ogun State and I in Lagos so we visit each other every two weeks most cases. All in all, he is someone I would like to marry though I get upset with him when he doesn't call me often cos he is busy or tired from work (he's into marketing) and we can get into huge fights. I attribute that to distance issues.
I started praying asking God if I should go ahead and marry him and I had nasty dreams concerning him. I spoke to some (wo)men of God and some said proceed, others said no if you go ahead your life will be all messed up. It's on these reasons that I broke up with him twice and the first time he begged me back but the second time he didn't even bother and just walked away.
He didn't take my calls for weeks on end and I was in a morose state. I tried to tell myself I am fine but it wasn't working. Like having withdrawal symptoms so I did the begging and we got back together after three months. I didn't even have to beg so much before he hugged me.
I am not bothered that I cannot find another guy (I'm 26 years old) I am just worried that if I go ahead I am making a mistake based on the dreams I've had and prophecies or I should not bother about them and go ahead. We ought to have been married this year but I gave an excuse of we need to save up more money and he agreed.
Now he is saying next year and I am like I have heard but I am so dreading 2013.
I feel I have wasted his time and I feel bad because it's wicked. I have issues making up my mind on things though. I'd research and research till someone makes up my mind for me or I take the plunge.