Infertility, Bravery, Building Networks of Support
Sometimes the unfairness of my infertility bugs me and I am tempted to compare. Why is that teenager having a child after just one sexual encounter and after years of loving sex with my husband, I can't? How could that 60 years old woman who did IVF in South Africa have had twins and I had a failed IVF? Atala and I had been pretty decent human beings, so why did we have to suffer this delay and difficulty is building our family?
Then I think about it, and I realize that God did not make a mistake when he chose me. Some women are devastated by infertility but that is not me. Some women have husbands that would taunt them with their condition or even throw them out, again, that is not me.
Sometimes we have a problem, and we get locked down in bitterness at the unfairness of it all. We imagine we know what people will say, and we judge them even before they have the opportunity to judge us. We forget to look around, and see that we do have support. God is our rock, and he usually places helpers around us. We need to learn to allow people to help us. And we need to reach out and accept that support.
If that support is really not available, you can also tap into the strength in you and build one. Yes, I am by no means brave, but I told myself, you can do it. I am still not brave. Every day as I think of publishing these posts, thoughts of doubt cloud my mind. Of course I know there is judgement, and some of the responses make me realize some are not really reading. But I still press publish. Why?
Because I definitely can feel the support from you guys. It is like crowd surfing, you throw your self out there with faith, but also with fear, and there is amazing joy when you feel the arms around you, catching you, touching you, moving you forward. It's just awesome.
I also know for sure that one or two people are reading and are being touched by these posts. But I have to say that sometimes, you need more tangible support. So you may need to seek out more support groups you can join locally. And in the case of couple infertility, you may need to share that support with a spouse. Someone said in one of the past comments that Atala is an angel, LOL...he's certainly not a saint, but yes without his support, the story may have been different.
While infertility is a not easy on anyone, and it definitely is not for us, I thank God for how far he has brought us. Some say I am very brave and all that, but that's not really it. Like someone said in one of the past comments, "all in all its a credit to the society you live in and the kind of man your husband is and also your in laws and a testament to how loving and close knit your family is". I couldn't have said it better.
And when I see it like that, I’m OK that I'm the one going through this. He is a wise God, and I trust that His plans and purposes in my life are just being worked out. Thank you all for being part of the journey.
And the story continues.