Some of us often ask why a woman in an unhealthy relationship remains in it. As much as we don't know her partner as she does, and maybe he does need help, first of all however, the victim has to realize her self-worth in order to begin to understand that she needs to withdraw from that relationship and save herself before she can worry about her partner and what he needs. [see post on Rihanna still loves Chris Brown]
Let's not forget the children in the picture, whom if care isn't taken, grow up and see dysfunction as normal. Their self esteem takes a beating, and this may affect them for the rest of their life. It is very important to bring up children who are very much aware of how much their parents love and care for them.
Halle Berry, who grew up in a single parent home, joked in the interview that her esteem issues had led to her having a broken picker when it comes to men. In her words, “just because they see my face doesn’t mean they see me. A person’s self-esteem has nothing to do with how she looks. Self-esteem comes from who you have in your life. How you were raised. What you struggled with as a child."
I think this is a valid point. Self-esteem is definitely more than just looks, and whether pretty or regular, how we feel about ourselves is often the biggest determinant of the choices we make in life.
It is therefore imperative that we are good role models for our own kids and all other children around us. Even as adults, it is not too late to work on our self-esteem in order to be balanced and fulfilled individuals. When we have sorted out who we are and what we want, it becomes easier to make better life choices including in love and relationships.
Halle Berry admitted in the same interview that while she may be beautiful, that does not make her infallible or prevent her from sometimes choosing the wrong men for her. She explained that low self esteem had a lot to do with her tumultous love life and the seemingly bad relationship choices she has made in the past.
This can be related to how, what, and why some women decide to accept some kinds of men in the first place, and/or stick with him even after it has become clear that he is not at all what we expected, wanted or hoped for. For Halle Berry, this has meant,
a domestic violence episode that left her with an 80 percent hearing loss in one ear. Hit-and-run charges from an accident in 2000. A four-year marriage to the baseball player David Justice, resulting in a breakup that Berry has described as having precipitated thoughts of suicide.
Her second marriage, to the singer Eric Benét, ended after Benét admitted infidelities and checked into rehab for that old Hollywood standby, sex addiction.
Last year, a stalker trespassed on Berry’s property three times over the course of as many days. After serving six months in prison, he was ordered to undergo psychiatric treatment and issued a restraining order.
Now comes the custody struggle with Gabriel Aubry. And, despite her vow, delivered emphatically on Oprah’s couch, in 2004, that she would “never marry again — never,” she is engaged to yet another fabulously handsome performer.
Indeed, Halle Berry has not had it easy with men though she seems to always pick herself up and move ahead. She is now engaged to Olivier Martinez and hopes her picker is fixed. I hope for her sake and that of her daughter that this one works out.
What has been your own experience or thoughts?