"...one in four ever-married women of reproductive age in most developing countries are infertile because of primary or secondary infertility." WHO estimateI know some of you will be shocked or surprised. Some may have guessed or were wondering. Well, wonder no more. I am coming out. I have medical problems getting pregnant, and I need assisted reproductive therapy to conceive. In fact, I may never get pregnant and may never bear biological children. In one way or the other, infertility has been part of who I am for the past two years and may always be. I own it. I am an infertile.
I decided to come out and also blog about my infertility experience because of the following;
- This is a personal blog, and if I share my romance on a road trip, I should also share my life with infertility. This blog is called Romance meets Life, after all.
- There seems to be a lot of ignorance around Infertility and I hope this would be an opportunity to build a wider awareness and support.
- I have discovered than I am not your typical infertile and I'm wondering if there are any others like me. Also, this way, I can get to tell - and with this platform others will hear - a different story.
- When we told our families about our struggles, there was a lot of relief for us, and apart from a few close friends, this blog is my next family. I feel burdened keeping it secret/private, and I don't like that feeling.
- Sometimes, there are news of couples who spark rumors when, after 5 - 10 years of not having children, they go on to have a child or twins or triplets. I can't help but feel like there's some stigma to using assisted reproductive therapy to conceive. I know some also adopt secretly for personal reasons.
In starting to blog about my experience, I acknowledge that there was a fear that my readers and the general public who may come to read this blog will judge me, may take up where close friends had stopped in telling me what I need to do, that some women and fellow bloggers will become uncomfortable around me and this blog, or begin to keep secrets and distance themselves from me. I know some will think I did something shameful to cause my infertility rather than to accept simply that this is the hand we have been dealt by life.
I won't say I don't care about those negative opinions, but I'd rather define myself than allow others do it. With this blog I will like to share my perspective and the process of one individual wife and her husband and their journey of living and loving with infertility. As much as I do not like giving it, I will also give my advice, and how I have learned to deal with this part of my life. You will read about our hope for the future, and some encouragement for those who are also in the same situation.
The blogs will not contain a lot of technicalities about my privacy or that of Atala and I may not give day by day doctor's visits, drug prescriptions and test results. I was confused and felt locked out of a lot of infertility online forums because of such TMI and I want casual readers including men and other women not living with infertility to be able to follow and relate with my posts.
I do not have all the answers, I am still learning, and I hope I can be honest as how this affects me, my relationship with others, and my marriage. Atala and I are equally exploring options for adoption and I want to be able to share that in future to give some insight to those who may be interested.