IK Osakioduwa is a radio show host at Rhythm 93.7 and he is married with two children. He tweeted yesterday that he was vexing on his show, trying to help ladies find guys. Well, he came up with numbered tweets with the hashtag #IksTipsToGettingAMan on Twitter. I saw some discussion around the tips on my timeline and decided to go to his profile and check out all the tips.
Personally, I think some of the tips make sense while others obviously not so much. For one, I definitely stand on the side of a grown woman fully communicating with her man/partner all the way and that includes asking questions like, "Where's this leading?" if that is what will make her comfortable.
My problem with some of IKsTips is that they come across more like RULES than tips. I do not like rules. I think it encourages group think and lack of creativity and original thinking. Rules encourage dependence and for this reason, when it comes to relationships, I disdain rules even more. If one depends on rules from another person to make decisions on how to choose, and who to spend the rest of their life with, will they also continually ask that one person for advice every step of the way?
There is no other sphere of life where it becomes more obvious that we're individuals than in relationships, and one thing experience has shown is that what works for A might not work for B. In fact what did not work for C in one relationship may end up working for them when they're with another person. So where does one person get off making the rules for everyone else?
One question that did come to my mind though was, are girls/women in Nigeria so desperate to get married? Certainly, most women over a certain age begin to want a partner to go through life with, but as far as I know, women of all ages in Nigeria are getting married, and to men not aliens. In our personal lives, we attend or get invitations to weddings weekly, and we also see the celebrity weddings on the interwebs.
So why all the vexing and the tips from IK? I think he is feeding into this sense that if women don't find a man, and quickly too, their life is worthless. Especially when his so called tips come with lines like don't be "TOO INDEPENDENT", "nobody pays for free stuff, etc". A lot of the time, it is women who seem to overtly promote patriarchy, but sometimes, a man publicly shows his hand. I dare to say this is one of those times. I wonder why IK is not giving his fellow men tips on how to get a woman? Surely, that is what he has more experience of?
Anyways, the tips are below. Choose and discard as you will. More important, be your own woman, and encourage yourself to be a better person, and make yourself happy. Man or no man.
10.Don't pressure him to marry u with questions like "Where's this leading?" Instead leave him if he's taking too long.#IksTipsToGettingAMan
9. No matter what, never be rude or abusive to him in front of his friends. (Not even in jest) #IksTipsToGettingAMan
8. Have standards. Or you'll find yourself in and out relationships too often and that'll earn you a bad name. #IksTipsToGettingAMan
7. Learn to cook. Most guys like a girl that CAN cook. Yeah not all guys but MOST. So do yourself a favour and learn #IksTipsToGettingAMan
6. Don't give it ALL up. Leave some for marriage. Perfect the art of giving previews. Nobody pays for free stuff. #IksTipsToGettingAMan
5. Make an effort. Try to look nice. Work out. Guys like babes. Get that Don King hair done, stop forming"Oh Naturale" #IksTipsToGettingAMan
4.Drop guys that take all ur time without really chasing u. They block other guys. No IWC= Intimacy Without Commitment#IksTipsToGettingAMan
3. Be careful not to be TOO INDEPENDENT. Learn to gain from your man's presence in your life. Guys need to be needed. #IksTipsToGettingAMan
2.Make friends with married women. They know what guys want more than your single friends (that's why they're married) #IksTipsToGettingAMan
1. Learn to do solo trips. It's just easier for most guys to step to a girl on her own, than one in a pack of girls #IksTipsToGettingAMan
Full Disclosure - I have always been a solo person, I cooked my first jollof rice at 15 (it burnt, as do some of my food today), I have had more than one relationship, some I KNEW from outset were leading nowhere, and I have unrelaxed hair. I am married.
PS - after scheduling this post, I saw the post, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Lady by Iphy. Her point was that relationships are not competitions and tips on how to play games or cheat (get one over on the other gender) will usually backfire. I totally agree.