Dear Myne - I am Celibate, How do I find True Love?

Hi Myne, I am one of your readers. I am in my early 30s and still a virgin yes, you read me right and i live and work in 9ja. I am pretty and blessed with youthful looks and most people never believe i am older than 26. Now the issue is, it has been a bit challenging for me to have a proper relationship cos most of the guys i meet want sex.

Sex is out of the question for me cos of my christian faith but even some christian brothers don't wanna be hearing that. i haven't said to any of them i am a virgin because i don't want someone wanting to be with me for the wrong reasons and 9ja peeps don't believe people like us exist anywhere around this country.

Sex has been a big issue with the guys who come around me, cos it comes up all the time, some of them just disappear when they hear there will be no sex without even trying to find out more about this person and the ones who want to stay around when i make clear my stance on sex, i do not feel attracted to.

I need to know what to do, i am at that point where i am craving genuine love, and sex outside of marriage is NO alternative for me. I am of the ibo tribe and i have some married younger sisters, you can imagine how that can be. My mother understands me and is not pressurizing me to get married as most parents do but i just want true love, irrespective of my beliefs on when sex should be. What can i do?

I am expectant please. Thanks. B


When I first received this email, I replied directing her to some of the other posts on which we have discussed Christianity and abstinence, sex for mature singles, and waiting till you get married for sex. She however made it clear that she has chosen celibacy and her issue is not with sex, or discussing it with prospective suitors. For her, the main question is;

how do i get me true love in the midst of a generation so controlled by sex, especially as i am celibate?

Personally, I believe there is someone for each of us no matter our quirks. There are celibate men out there - who believe in abstinence before marriage - and one can find them in the right circles. The writer mentioned that she did meet some men who agreed to be celibate with her, and I think that's a starting point.

First of all, to find love, you have to know yourself and the kind of man you want? What qualities do you cherish, and what are the deal breakers? Also, where do you meet the people in your social circle? If one does not see a lot of the kind of men they want in the places they currently hang out, they may need to extend their social activities.

What other tips would you guys suggest?