Dear Myne - My Wife's Stubbornness is Killing my Love

Dear Myne, I read the story below in a newspaper which is just like mine and wanted to hear your reader's responses. I don't want to share my exact details since I don't want to be recognized, but the summary like in the story below is that my wife cannot cook, she doesn't want to learn, and in addition to refusing to start a family after what we agreed before marriage, I am almost fed up. While I don't want to divorce, how can we get over her stubbornness?

Mandy was rushed to the hospital about 30 minutes after I resumed as the doctor on call that fateful Friday afternoon by her friend and col-league, Rose, straight from the office. Rose later disclosed that she collapsed during a meeting with some clients.She was immediately placed on drips while we carried out some tests by the side. Until I left the hospital the next morning, she never realised where she was, even as I checked on her severally. Unfortunately, I was off duty for the rest of the day.

However, when I resumed duty the next day as I walked towards her room, I saw her through the transparent glass door talking to someone on the phone ecstatically even though she was recuperating from severe typhoid and malaria fever. “Mandy was looking so beautiful and happy.” Candidly, the whole day I was off duty, I could not take my mind off her. I was looking for-ward to seeing her pretty face the next day.

I opened the door, cleared my throat and said, “Good morning Mandy, how are you feeling today?” “Doc, I feel much better. Thanks for the other day. Actually, I have been feeling sick for some time before I fainted in the office but I just couldn’t find the time to see a doctor. Now, the sickness disgraced me in the presence of my clients, can you imagine?” she said. “It’s really a pity. I cannot understand why people don’t take their health seriously. I understand you are a lawyer,” I said. She nodded her head hesitantly. “Well, my name is Dr Tesiro, but you can call me Tesiro,” I said.

The few minutes I spent with her, I dis-covered that Mandy was not only beautiful but also intelligent and this made me de-velop a strong likeness for her. I made sure I spent almost every minute with her when not attending to patients or in the theatre. I guess she noticed it. The one week she spent at the hospital made us grow fond of each other as we connected easily. Even af-ter she was discharged we kept seeing each other and soon, we had started dating.

Mandy is from a wealthy family where they have servants at their beck and call. Aside from that she is a very lively young woman. There is never a dull moment with her and she makes me very happy. The first day I visited her at home, her parents and siblings received me with open arms. We had lunch together and her father also had a fatherly discussion with me. He told me I was the only man Mandy had ever intro-duced to the family, meaning that she loves me so much and that there must be more to our relationship. I told him his daughter means the world to me. “Mandy means the world to me, sir. I love her very much and I promise you that very soon my people will pay your family a visit to formalise our relationship.” I had a good time with her family, no doubt.

Whenever she had the time, she visited me at home and if she felt hungry, she would prefer that we ate out rather than entered the kitchen to prepare something for us to eat. It is unfortunate that I don’t know how to cook myself. However, I never insisted she cooked because I felt that was her principle and so I don’t push it. The only day I told her to cook, she told me she was very tired and we had to eat out again as usual.

When I told my family about marrying Mandy, my mother called me one day and advised that I should visit with Mandy so that she would study her and tell me if she would be a good wife or not. “Tesiro, I would advise that you find time and visit us with Mandy. I want her to spend some hours at home with us. I want to moni-tor her closely and know if she will be a good wife or not,” she said. I promised my mother that we would visit on Saturday morning. Fortunately, when I told Mandy, she agreed too.

So, early that Saturday morning, we went over to my parents’ house. No doubt, everyone fell in love with her because of her lively nature. But about three hours later my mother called me into her bed-room and revealed, “My son, I know she is beautiful, lively, intelligent and you love her but I have noticed that she did not make any move to help me and your sisters out in the kitchen when we were cooking. Instead she was watching the television with you and your father. Neither did she help out in other house chores. I don’t think she is domesticated. A woman who is not domes-ticated cannot keep a home. How can she be here and I am sweeping? Instead of tak-ing the broom from me, she raised up her leg for me to sweep. Didn’t she come from a home? Was she not trained as woman? Is it normal? She failed all my tests woefully. But she sat comfortably at the table to eat the food I and your sisters prepared. She has no shame Tesiro.”

I tried to convince my mother that Man-dy was not lazy. I told her that the fact that they have many servants in their house does not mean she would not take care of our home or cook my meals. But she warned, “Tesiro my son, she will not make a good wife, it is obvious. You will still come back to this house and complain if you marry her.”

I ignored the warning of my mother be-cause I was deep in love with Mandy that I proposed about six months after we met and she joyfully accepted. “Tesiro, I will marry you. I will make you happy and be the mother of your children. I love you so much,” Mandy emphasised. Our wedding was the talk of the town because of the kind of family she came from. We travelled to Dubai for our honeymoon. It was on our return that reality began to dawn on me. The day after we returned from our honey-moon, I told Mandy I was hungry. She said to me, “Tesiro dear, there is no food in the house. And remember we came back from a journey together so I am tired. I will try and buy fried rice for us from the eatery.” “Alright just hurry up but note that you need to cook after all we are married now,” I counselled.

The second week after our wedding, one of the cooks in her parents’ house came to visit us with two medium sized coolers. The cook also dished the food and put into the freezer. I felt it was alright since we had been away for two weeks.

This may be strange but true, we have been married for almost a year now and I have never tasted my wife’s cooking. She gives excuses of being tired and our home is very dirty and unkempt. I try to find time when I am not on call to clean the house. Mandy cannot even cook rice. Rice is too far, she does not know how to boil anything. It is very clear that she is not domesticated and what pains me is that she is not even willing to learn. I have been eating food from my in-law’s house since I got married. Is this right?

All she cares about is her looks. When I brought up the issue with her mother, she broke down and told me, “Tesiro my son, out of all my daughters it is only Mandy who has refused to learn how to be domesticated. I don’t know why. I am so sorry.” At a point, we got a house help who do the cooking as well as other household chores but Mandy drove her away after two weeks because, according to her, the girl looks at me with seductive eyes. I am so ashamed to even open up to my family because my mother warned me.

I have begged her to go and learn how to cook but she told me she does not have the time for that as her career is more im-portant than anything or anybody. She has even refused to get pregnant as she takes contraceptives all the time. When I con-fronted her, she shocked me when she said she was not ready to have kids. “What is wrong with me taking contraceptives? I am not ready to have kids any time soon Tesiro because I want to build my career and I don’t need any distractions. Please under-stand. I will tell you when I am ready,” she retorted.

My problem is even compounded. My wife Mandy who is not domesticated but has also refused to learn is not ready to bear me children. Does she want me to look outside? I have talked and tolerated her for almost a year and I think I am fed up. What should be my next move? [Source]