Dear Myne - Am I Money Conscious For Wanting To Wait?


Hello Myne, How's it going? I'm actually in a dilemma. My boyfriend asked me to marry him but i'm not in the country at the moment. He wants me to come meet his people and do an introduction after which i can go back to school and the traditional marriage rites can be done in my absence.I'm in my early twenties. I should be ecstatic, right? The love of my life wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I am but there is a clause. My boyfriend isn't financially buoyant.

I don't want much. Not even a big wedding but when my boyfriend has to scrap money for my ticket, you know how it is. Once we get married, i would be his responsibility. I don't see how he would be able to pay my tuition which is a lot, feed and take care of me and himself in Nigeria. He doesn't see it that way and has called me money conscious, saying that i don't want to struggle with him.

I'm actually from a poor family but i'm studying outside the country by his grace so i know for sure that my parents won't be able to contribute much. He would have to. He hasn't got any plan that i know of or savings. All he knows is that he wants to get married and now. My question is am i really money conscious for thinking all that? Is it out of place for me to be concerned and worried about my future?

All i want to know is, how we would manage but he doesn't see it that way. I know marriage done in the right and Godly way brings blessings but should i be content with that knowledge? He plans to get me pregnant after the introduction. like the long distance relationship isn't hard enough. lol. Like it isn't tough as it is for us, he wants to bring a child into this. He's got potential and he works at the moment but doesn't earn much.

What do you think i should do? I would appreciate if you publish this so i can get different views.

I responded to her email with some questions - Why is your BF in such a hurry to hitch up? And...Do you really love him, irrespective of finances?
My guess is he doesn't want to lose you. You can try to convince him that you'll wait for him and yourself to be more financially stable before marriage.
And if you truly love him, then let him know and maybe you guys consider only an engagement/intro and no other ceremonies at this stage.
I will post this on the site and see what others think. You can send in the answers to my questions if you want too. Her reply is below.

Thank you so much. I really do love him. Money and all. I'm a virgin and haven't even had the slightest contact with a guy since I left. He knows this. The thing is he traveled to see his folks and this came in full force. His wanting to get married now. He's in his early 30's and the only son of his parents. He's ibo so you should know what that means. I've been refreshing your page all day. Lol. Thanks so much. I appreciate that you get where I'm coming from with my fears. I'm on standby for your reader's comments. Thanks a lot. God bless...

Elsewhere on the Web