In a comment on the unrepentant husband, someone wrote, "he is definitely fooling around and ladies when ur man starts to cheat it is not always because you are doing something wrong or not giving him a lot of attention. Some men just love the chase and they have no idea how much they are hurting you. It also doesnt mean they love u any less." A few people agreed with the anonymous comment.
I want to guess and say the comment is posted by a woman and maybe the supporters are women too. I wonder, does she really believe this? Does this kind of marriage work for some people? Does it make them happy, better human beings? The comment reminded me of an article that had gone round the interwebs earlier this year. Read and let's discuss...
1. Most Men cannot have sex exclusively with just one woman, for the rest of their lives.
2. Men are created with varied sexual appetite ,some men can do without sex for a year, others cannot do without sex for a week.
3. A man who's madly in love with one woman can still have sex with other women but still love his 'woman'.
4. Some of the best husbands have concubines or mistresses, these extra marital affairs play a role in keeping the man sane and free of sexual tensions, especially during mid-life crises.
5.I f your man is just having sex with some sweet sexy teen or babe, DO NOT WORRY. But, if your man starts making midnight calls and exchanging text messages with another lady at odd hours, BE VERY WORRIED.
6. Before you choose your man, ensure he believes in AIDs, STDs and protected sex. That way, chances are that he will not bring HIV and other STDs into your life.
7. Most chronic wife beaters are faithful husbands, they hardly have extramarital affairs.
8. Most 'extra' loving husbands have concubines, these concubines keep the man abreast on new ways of making women happy.
9. Your man's mistress or concubine is most times not interested in you or your home. She has already seen your pictures and those of your kids via your hubby’s phone. She and your hubby just have a sexual understanding or partnership which helps both deal with peculiar individual issues.
10. As a woman, if you go all out in a bid to catch your husband red-handed cheating, you WILL succeed. Then what next? If u listen hard to your domestic servants in their private discussions, u will certainly hear them insult you, so why listen?
11. Judge your man by his responsibilities towards you and the kids, and NOT by who he's giving 'doggie style' to him in the office.
Now, let me say that I know this is the reality for some women, and maybe the way they cope with the situation is by accepting it as the norm. In fact, some people will argue all day, supporting this write-up as true and realistic, but my question is, Who are we deceiving? How is this something to aspire to? Should we not try to do away with stuffs that are detrimental to us?
Infidelity is bad. Promiscuity, which is what this write-up is basically condoning, is reprehensible. While consensual polygamy or serial monogamy might work, a relationship where infidelity or promiscuity is taken for granted is not a desirable one. No matter how much you think you can suppress your emotional side, any kind of betrayal hurts, and especially when it is from a man/woman you have decided to partner with for the rest of your life!
A lot of women do learn to live with cheating men, but may be sad and unproductive in other ways, some will transfer their aggression to the other woman, or their colleagues and subordinates, or worse, on their children. My question is, if you find yourself in this scenario, why not face the genesis of your problems? The cheating and randy man? Do not swallow it, for it may kill you slowly emotionally if not physically.
Before I round up, I have to point to the blatant fallacy in #7 - faithful husbands are wife beaters? What utter tosh! Quote me anywhere jare. Infidelity has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with men who are violent or not. One may even argue that since vices go together, an unfaithful man is more likely to be violent, including beating up their wives and children. But let's not conflate issues.
Any man that wants to learn new sexual stuff to please his wife, and the 'woman' he still supposedly loves, should read relevant books and well made instructional videos. If possible, watch it with the same woman. I think men who are promiscuous, and who think they can only release pressure through sex with a prostitute or mistress, are disrespectful, not just of women generally, but also themselves.
The bottom-line is that there are various ways to decompress both for men and women. Hit the gym, take up golf, or football, or your favorite sport, go back to your childhood talents and passions - writing, drawing, painting, knitting, tinkering with electronics, etc.
Also do things as a couple - stay indoors and gist, have sex together regularly or as often as you can, go to the club and dance off your energy, go to plays and the movies, poetry and book readings, art showings, owambe parties and so on. Try to remember the early days or dating or courtship and recreate some of what you did. :)
Rekindle your love and don't go looking for it when it's right there in your house.
PS, Google says the oldest appearance of the quoted article was Men survive on extramarital sex written by Shode Olufemi, but Verastic also discussed it in an interesting way.