Does Marriage Confer Special Relationship Wisdom?


When I tell people that I write romance novels or that I blog mostly about issues in relationships, the next question from some of them is whether I'm married and for how long. I am sometimes tempted to answer in the negative to hear what they will say, but the replies when I answer truthfully gives me a pretty good idea.

The assumption is that I should know what I'm talking about since I'm living it.

I have also come across the assertion by some posters on romance and relationship message boards when they ask for advice only from married folks. When the commenters know that a specific suggestion is from a single lady, they deride it and caution the initial poster to beware of wolves in sheep clothing.

I think that particular mindset is quite narrow-minded and seeks to draw lines between women. It is not always true that women are out to destroy each other. Sometimes, it may be inexperience talking when a relationship advice from a single lady seems misleading, or it could just be her honest, unbiased opinion.

Then there are those who only want to hear what will validate what they're already thinking is a solution to their problem. When you make the mistake of contributing a negative or contrary opinion, you're declared persona non grata instantly. Woe betide you if you're single, you've just handed them, on a golden platter no less, the ammunitions and weapons to finish you. LOL...

I do not think marriage by itself confers any special wisdom in terms of relationships, but certainly experience confers knowledge if not wisdom. So while I have had personal issues in my relationship and worked through them, thereby learning some lessons (hopefully), I also think that some people learn these things either through books, or through other social interactions.

And then what of those who have been in one, two, or even three long term relationships which by chance just did not end up in marriage? I actually think those are the best people to get a big picture view from, they might be better at knowing what has worked and what has not. For instance I've been married three years plus, and some have been dating the same person for 5years!

So who's among those that will only take relationship advise from married women? Is it about what I've just shared or something else entirely? Please share.


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