I got this email recently from a reader, and she agreed for me to share. Please forgive the text speak.
Myne, good evening. I'm writing cos I need advice from you. I'm a doctor in my mid-twenties, doing my NYSC. I wanna get wedded like almost all my friends, but I'm having some issues. I wanna ask you, when you met Atala, before the wedding, did you kiss and cuddle and touch all the time?
I had a very good relationship which ended about 3yrs ago, and the touching was part of the reason it gave way. We did almost everything but penetration, andI felt so guilty after each time. He knew, and tried to hold back but the sparks btw us alwaiz flew, andwe'd stl touchn and doing stuff. Finally, I told him not to visit me anymore, gave a flimsy reason then of writing my exams, and didn't want to be disturbed.
So for 8 months, we didn't see, and we were only few hrs apart. It eventually fizzled out, a relationship of 6yrs, after I discovered he'd been cheating with other girls, during that period. I stl blame myself for the break-up. Felt I shd ve handled it better. But at least, I was at peace with my God!
Fast-forward to now, and I wanna start a relationship with a Spirit-filled brother. He visited this weekend and had no qualms kissing and touching every part of me. I resisted, allowed only kissing! Note, I'm no prude. My ex loved the fact that I could be very responsive andtold me so. I know I'm gonna enjoy making love, andwon't be frigid. But, with this guy, I have 2 issues.
1. Is it right 4 him as a Christian to do all the cuddling thingys? He says he has no problem in his heart about them, that he doesn't feel he's wronging God, as long as he doesn't penetrate before marriage. That it's part of showing me love. Asked a male friend last night, and he said the kissing and touching and cuddling things are normal. If these are true, then I've caused myself a great heartbreak for nothing, and shld apologize to my ex.
2. Why did he have to start all that stuff at once the 1st night we're spending together? My ex took his time, allowing me get used to him b4 going further any further. If this relationship doesn't work out, am I gonna have to kiss and cuddle every guy who's interested in me, and I like also, when we spend the 1st night together? Ugh!!! So not looking forward to that! Would rather go seek out the Ex, pray he's stl single and beg 4 forgiveness!
So, what do you guys think?