Seek help, accept support, do whatever you have to, but please LEAVE that toxic environment. If you're dating unhappily and waiting for a wedding to console you, marriage is more than a ring. If you're married and miserable, waiting for children to wipe your tears, there are no guarantees. If you live in a fractured home waiting for your children to grow and take you away, you may never make it.
OGOCHUKWU ONUCHUKWU did get married, she did have children, but she was never happy, never settled. Also, she is now dead. I pray her soul rests in peace. Her story paraphrases that famous bible quote. What shall it profit a woman if she gains a MRS title, but loses everything, including her soul?
We started to fight over little things. The fights were worse after you visited home or attended any of your numerous family meetings. You came home one evening and asked me to move out of the bedroom we both shared and into the guestroom downstairs. The next time you returned from the meeting, you tied me up with a rope and used your belt on me. No one heard my screams.
I remember when you told me that your family had asked you to remarry. You showed me documents of all your numerous landed property including the house we lived in. Your brother was listed as next of kin. When I asked you about it, your answer rocked the ground I was standing on. You said, “What have you to show that entitles you to any stake in this household?”You were referring to my barreness.
It is funny how to my family and friends, I was the beautiful and loving Ogo, whilst to you and your family I was a worthless piece of rag. You called me barren. I could have fled but your love and acceptance was of more worth to me than the love and admiration of the world outside our home. I desperately sought to be loved by you, Kevin.
In your family’s presence I felt unworthy, unloved and unwanted. Yet, I stayed on. I would make you love me one way or the other and I knew that one sure way would be to produce a child, an heir for you. That was the most important thing to you.
This is a confidante speaking out on Ogochukwu's behalf and you can read more of the recounting of a marriage gone bad on the memorial blog. It is too late for Ogochukwu, but not for some women out there. Please do not let this story be your story.