Tuesday, March 9, 2010

WIP - Bad boy, bad boy, whatchu gone do...

So no more rewrites, from here we go with the flow. But please keep the real comments and feedback coming. I may not post the reworking but be sure that it really helps me. Enjoy the story of Ijeoma and Ifeanyi. Like I said Cupid's risk starts in a couple of days, stay tuned.

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“Who's that girl?” Ifeanyi asked. He was sitting under the shade of the umbrella in one of the bukas in campus with his close pal, Johnson, relaxing with a bottle of chilled coke. The sun blazed down with its usual intensity at this time of the year.

“Which one of them?” Johnson asked in reply as they admired the two girls passing.

“The fair one, tall, beautiful, gorgeous...”

“Easy now,” Johnson laughed, “JJC, I can tell you that the girl is OOB,”

“What do you mean by OOB?” Ifeanyi asked disparagingly.

Do you people even have any slang in UI anyway?” Johnson gabbed.

“Answer me first,” Ifeanyi replied his eyes still following Ijeoma and Nneka.

“Do you mean she is already taken?”

“No... I mean she is `Out Of Bounds'. A real hard to get lady. Mark my words she is a real lady. Not ajibo for mouth, back for ground.”

They laughed uproariously slapping each other on the back in mirth.

“Oh God, you kill me,” Ifeanyi said holding his sides, “but fill me in man, fill me in.”

“On a more serious note,” Johnson continued, “the babe is now in her second year and hasn't had any beau through it hasn't been for lack of guys” he concluded.

“Hmmm,“ Ifeanyi nodded reflectively.

“In fact, when she was a jambite, a good friend of mine tried his luck and do you know what the lady said?” Seeing that Ifeanyi was all ears, he continued in a high falsetto, “I am too young to have a boyfriend and I want to concentrate on my books. And I also don't want to disappoint my parents,”

Ifeanyi smiled, “That's a good sentiment but I'm sure she's past that stage now, it's been more than a year since then,”

“Oh sure, you think guys have laid off on such a hot babe since then? The grapevine reports that she told one guy just a few weeks ago that she doesn't want to raise his hopes or break his heart.”

“She has already broken mine,” Ifeanyi moaned clutching his chest.

“You and half the guys on campus.” Johnson replied with a straight face.

“Mmm...” Ifeanyi thought stroking his chin, “I think I have an edge being a new face.”

“Don't forget to mention a handsome one too,” Johnson added, “Girls won't fail to fall for that your pretty face with a mysterious history too. Nothing like the bad boy aura you portray to get them.”

“What do you mean?"

“Rumor has it you’re a cult guy. What do you say?”

Ifeanyi had completed his transfer to the University of Benin just three months ago in June. He’d come to Uniben because he wanted to change departments which he hadn’t been able to do earlier but the timing couldn’t have been worse. There had been a surge in the acts of violence, intimidation and murder perpetrated by the secret societies in the past two years. Since the new president had been sworn in, the country had been abuzz with anti-cultism slogans. Several students had been rusticated from many of the universities and many more suspended.

“Were you expelled from Unilag?” Johnson persisted.

“No I wasn’t, and I’m not a cult guy…”

“What is it with the Yoruba universities sef? I hear that vice chancellors sponsor the cults to maintain an upper hand in the school. Is that true?”

“How will I know? By the way wasn’t someone killed here in UNIBEN and even Ekpoma by cultists?”

“At least we have an anti-cult group. You know some guys just hacked down five people in Ife? And these were no ordinary guys o, they were the Student Union Governemnt…”

“Johnson, how do you even hear all this news?”

“I keep an ear to the ground. I hear they target people whose parents are loaded so I have to be careful. You have to be too; I hear your parents are one of those that own Benin…”

Ifeanyi laughed. “More stories. Please talk better thing.”

51 Feedbacks - Add yours!:

  1. Interesting. Can't wait to read more. I went to uniben for a year. Yay me.
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  2. interesting.
    waiting for the next part.
    my mum went to uniben..... half-yay me!! lol
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  3. my sis went to uniben, half-yay??? lol. hmn, good girl falls for bad boy! hits close to home. mw, y is Johnson tellin him he's handsome, do guys do that? really wondering...
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  4. Ahh, most people know someone who went to Uniben, lol.

    @Neo, ehm, I'm not sure about that but maybe a guy can come round and tell us?
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  5. hello my blogsvile people and myne vote for me and my fiancee for a chance to win our ultimate dream wedding as many times as u can.., trust me im a blogger as well but i will rather not reveal my blog name...lol here is the link:

    http://www.namywedding.com/dream-wedding-splash/entries/114-passionately-in-love-
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  6. Okay, my mum didn't to go to Uniben but she's from Benin. Next part- expectant :)
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  7. nice nice nice! cant wait for a next part...btw i have an aunt that went uniben and ma mum was in ekopma :D
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  8. Lol boys are swinging to the other side now.

    And I soooooooo think he's a cult guy! He is sooooo a cult guy. I don't know why but I'm positive!
    HMMM!
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  9. hahahahaha... ajibo for mouth, back for ground.. lmao..but this guy!

    interesting read.
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  10. my neighbor went to UNIBEN lol and ekpoma is less than 500kms from my hometown.
    I like the story so far ..... just to point out that Johnson originally mentioned that Ifeanyi went to UI then he asked if he was expelled from Unilag.
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  11. Hey lady!! Been a min since I left any feedback...out of curiosity and coming from a marketing angle, do you hv a particular target audience(if so, what group(s) of people) in mind when you write or do you simply wish to appeal to a broad spectrum of readers?


    As always, loving the natural flow of the story:)
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  12. I agree with 48. The story flows very naturally cos it is authentic for the most part. Not sure how many uni students (especially guys) say "beau" but the conversation was very believable; sounds like some of my friends. :) Would love to read more.
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  13. hmmm
    i went and graduated from uniben full YAY

    liking the story
    but i notice something
    you started with UI and ended with UNILAG might be a mistake
    look into it
    cos Johnson said "dont u guys have any slang in UI?"
    then later you said he transferred from Unilag

    okbye
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  14. Just read this and the former installment..interesting read…waiting for more
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  15. yeah, some babes love dem bad boys because u can't be tat bored with them. and yeah some mystery also adds spice to them.WAITING ON THE NEXT POST. NICE ONE.
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  16. lol..my sister went to uniben and i almost went there too.lol.nice.
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  17. Yep, what a way to go.. the plot thickens..Nice.. you capture it nicely..
    www.askchacha4free.blogspot.com
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  18. Myne.I loved this! Honest. You could just picture the scene without trying. I'm certain this is going to be better than a Heart to mend(its still a fav of mine)..just saying oh! :)
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  19. which one na ajibo for mouth, back for ground??? hahahahaha. abi, proper ajibo no dey do???? hehehehehehe


    d thing wey dey worry university pple! kai. how i wish my life was as simple as dat now. being an adult is way too hard!


    nice story too. but i've have loved for more description on d characters 4 better visualization. d story has mostly of dialogue, so i also wasn't always telling who was saying what unless i looked closely.
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  20. Thank you all so much.

    To all the UNIBEN alunmi, una well done oo, this is a tribute to you all.

    @Anonymous, I'll sure go over and vote for you but you have to tell me who you are afterwards, LOL..
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  21. @Adenike and BBB,

    Thanks for pointing that out. The story is still in flux but I will sure tighten up the schools ASAP.
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  22. @48,

    I wish to write what should be readable and enjoyable by a wide spectrum of people. I run it by my writing group which consists mainly of Americans.

    However, my target audience are Nigerians anywhere between the ages of 18 - 48. That said, people older and younger have read A Heart to Mend and loved it
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  23. @FFF,

    Thanks for those pointers. I have to confess that I'm still working on my description. And usually I leave it almost completely out in the first draft. When I get the story straight, then I start painting in the details. I'll work on the dialogue too.
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  24. I guess its already been pointed out the ui to unilag and the scene where Johnson is saying he is handsome is somewhat awkward, its not that he said just how he said it...otherwise it reads good, im envious still
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  25. Cults scare me. I like the story it seems very real.
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  26. perhaps i'm the only one who does not know someone who went to uniben, however, i still cannot wait for the next instalment
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  27. Thanks for the comments.

    @Jinta, seems you're missing something. What of that your cousin thrice removed? LOL..
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  28. Everyone knows someone who went to UNIBEN. True that.
    This write up is just to what? Whet my apetite?
    Took me back to school days too.
    And yes, guys can say another chap is fine in a non-gay way. Rarely though.
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  29. yeah nicely written @Neo and myne,we guys do appreciate ourselves oooo,we fine boys know ourselves ,lol
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  30. nice.....

    my sis went to UNIBEN, my cousins (5) all went to UNIBEN, my friends (3) also went to UNIBEN...yay me! lol... i'm actually a benin gal though bin dere only 2ce! for one weekend each! so all join...lol
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  31. @Beautiful, there's a Benin gal in the house, yay. Now you can set me on the straight and narrow.

    @Tobenna and Muyiwa, thanks for confirming that. Hope you guys will keep reading.
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  32. really nice, im hooked keep it coming o!!!
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  33. Well done, Myne! I love how you're workshopping via blogging. The things writers go through to get a finished work of art, abi?
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  34. Thanks Chichi.

    @Ogo, you're so right. This is the best audience critique of my work.
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  35. Good read. I am a reader, tho I usually do not comment. In my opinion, the way Johnson brought up Ifeanyi's good looks is not as awkward as it is being made to appear since it was in a build up to probing about his membership or not to a cult. He did not dwell on it too long.
    “Don't forget to mention a handsome one too,” Johnson added, “Girls won't fail to fall for that your pretty face with a mysterious history too. Nothing like the bad boy aura you portray to get them.”

    “What do you mean?"

    “Rumor has it you’re a cult guy. What do you say?”


    P.S: I am not a guy though
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  36. wow its been soo long since ive been here, got a lot to catch up on
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  37. @Anonymous, thanks for clarifying that. That was my thought when writing that part.

    Mr.Funny, you're always welcome!
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  38. Very interesting! I'm falling in love with it already!
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  39. Very interesting! I'm falling in love with it already!
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  40. I loved this post.

    I agree the plot is thickening. You did an excellent job weaving in the cult plot. I really hope to see more of this storyline - it adds spice!
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  41. Yup! Bad boys attract us good girls. It's a way of life:) Thanks for participating!
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  42. OOB, hahaha! I like her response about her books and parents. Your bad boys are bad boys for sure. Great post.
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  43. Woohoo...bad guy or not as much a bad guy? Not sure I get the slang but I like it anyhow!
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  44. Interesting guys. I like the dialogue; you give so much info and its not in a "dump" manner. Moves the plot and characters along. You have an excellent writing style; eloquent and flowing without being too wordy.

    Definitely engagine.

    .........dhole
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  45. Ooh, I love the tone, setting and mood, not to mention voice of your piece! Thank you for sharing!

    I'd love to hear what you think of my bad boy! :D
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  46. Myne, I loved the dialogue and the easy banter between these two. I get the feeling that your bad boy will get the girl in the end, yes?

    Thanks for sharing, Olivia
    Stop by my blog when you get a minute and let me know what you think about my bad guy. :)
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  47. Thanks for the comments. Yes the bad boys get the girl

    @Olivia, he sure does. :)
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I'll love to hear your thoughts, thanks!

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